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Newest Member: Betrayed1000XBy1

The Book Club :
Recommendations needed

Topic is Sleeping.
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 divegirl (original poster new member #46160) posted at 4:14 PM on Wednesday, December 31st, 2014

Has anyone read any good books on moving past resentment, anger, and beginning to forgive? It's been two years, and the anger I feel is still very much a part of my daily life. I need to learn how to move past the anger, but that is easier said than done.

Anyone have any suggestions on a practical book for me?

Thanks in advance.

posts: 4   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2014
id 7061405
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betrayedpregnant ( member #43304) posted at 4:31 PM on Thursday, January 1st, 2015

Hi divegirl, I understand the anger and resentment. I feel it too. Just know that it is normal to feel this way, since we have been betrayed .

My number one choice for you hands down would be "a new earth " by eckhart tolle. I really liked the audio cd version, and I used to hear it in my car when I have long commutes or sit in traffic, or as I'm winding down to go to sleep. I'm not at that level of enlightenment that he talked about, but it helps me feel some moments of peace.

A dear friend who also have been hurt greatly by her x really really liked "radical forgiveness", but personally I just started to read it a little and did not continue it because the teaching is based on a few assumptions I do not agree with, but maybe it will work for you. Once you read these books, will you let me know how you like them?

posts: 358   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Hawaii
id 7062726
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 divegirl (original poster new member #46160) posted at 5:55 PM on Thursday, January 1st, 2015

Thank you so much for the recommendations. I looked at both and decided your recommendation sounds more like something I would appreciate. I downloaded a sample and will let you know how I like it.

Thank you again for your kind words and recommendation.

posts: 4   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2014
id 7062792
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sunvalley ( member #42952) posted at 10:24 AM on Friday, January 2nd, 2015

I am just rereading Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder and highlighting/taking notes this time. Anger and rage are both the primary emotions from PTSD and the book relates PTSD to infidelity in many BS, even ones who haven't necessarily been diagnosed as PTSD (I have). It has some spiritual context as well that is brought in from several religions and belief systems, but I don't find it overwhelming...it's more like meditative practices and mindfulness then preachy. The primary focus and tone to me was forgiveness, healing and dealing with the anger.

Dday July 2013
Me: BW mid 30s
Him: WH mid 30s
4PAs came from multiple onlines
Possible SA

posts: 912   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014
id 7063517
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 divegirl (original poster new member #46160) posted at 4:26 PM on Friday, January 2nd, 2015

Thank you, sunvalley. I have downloaded a sample of it and will check that one out this evening. It's so hard to find one that appeals to exactly what I am looking for. I am just looking for practical steps I can implement in my everyday life to change my negative thinking.

Again, thank you for the recommendation. I can't wait to try it out.

posts: 4   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2014
id 7063818
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sunvalley ( member #42952) posted at 3:36 AM on Saturday, January 3rd, 2015

It has a six step? Program to healing with some exercises similar to meditation and positive thinking/mindfulness. I hope it helps. I've heard it's available free online but I bought a copy

Dday July 2013
Me: BW mid 30s
Him: WH mid 30s
4PAs came from multiple onlines
Possible SA

posts: 912   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014
id 7064587
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hopefulmother ( member #38790) posted at 6:07 PM on Thursday, January 8th, 2015

A Grace Disguised by Sittser...

How a pastor healed when half his family was killed by a drunk driver. Doesn't get much better than that.

Me-BW 44
WH-44 zugzwang
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends since 1993
Married 2004 with 2 children
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

posts: 1991   ·   registered: Mar. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: PA
id 7071168
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rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 6:21 PM on Thursday, January 8th, 2015

A Grace Disguised by Sittser...

this is very religious, so may not be practical for all...

posts: 7613   ·   registered: Dec. 6th, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 7071190
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 divegirl (original poster new member #46160) posted at 6:22 PM on Thursday, January 8th, 2015

I have reviewed all the recommendations. So far, what I am finding the most helpful is a recommendation from a therapist, Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering From the Pain.

It's very straight-forward. I skipped all the reasons why affairs happen since I think I am past that point and am now reading about types of negative thoughts/thinking distortions and coping techniques.

Next up is handling rage and jealousy. I need that.

Hopefully someone else can find this helpful also. It seems to be geared towards people who are trying to reconcile.

I appreciate all the feedback.

posts: 4   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2014
id 7071194
Topic is Sleeping.
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