SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So in December, my wife was looking at my ig account through her profile and she checked my followers and saw that my ex and I were following each other. She immediately stated that I was cheating and I was completely caught off guard by her words and her actions. She demands my phone and looks through my messages and sees that my ex and I did converse but the only thing that was said from my part to my ex was “idiot.” Of course my wife didn’t like that and was mad about it and kicked me out of our place. I later that night messages my ex and old her what was going on, not looking for pity or anything, and I know that I shouldn’t have told her that my wife was mad and I understand that. So I then return home and we talk and things are still sour, but they’re ok. My wife wants access to all of my stuff Including my phone which I happily oblige to. She a few days Oda by and she goes through my phone again and sees that I have an OnlyFans account and I was subscribed to see photos of other women. I would get on and look out of curiosity but not often enough to even remember that I ever had it. So she see the onlyfans account and is livid which I understand. Who wouldn’t be mad, right? She asked why I had it and I tell her that it was purely out of curiosity and that was it. My social media friends made accounts and I wanted to see. A lot was said and done and I was so mad and full of pride. I didn’t want to be with her because I felt like I was always failing her. I failed her in many ways that I thought that she would be happier without me so I was giving up. She begged me to stay but I always thought that she would be better off without me because I am a crappy person sometimes if not all the time. I don’t have much going for me. I told her that I didn’t love her because of how I saw myself.

I realize that I do want our marriage to work and I want to prove to my wife that I do want our marriage. She’s obviously very hurt and I lost her trust. I have given up everything that was a distraction to me be it video games, social media, marijuana and friends.

I pray everyday and night especially so to St. Jude for our marriage.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for on here. I guess I just feel alone because of the damage that I have caused to my wife and our families.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:27 PM, February 13th (Saturday)]

Etowers, honestly I don't buy your excuses for OnlyFans at all. First, the vast majority of OF accounts cost money meaning if you were looking, you were likely paying. I doubt all of your social media friends were handing out their sexy pictures for free and it's even worse that you were targeting people you knew and had access to for this kind of media. There's porn for free of strangers that maybe your wife would feel better about, you know? Looking at sexy pictures of people you already know and/or talk to is already crossing a boundary for many.

If you were just curious to see if someone had an account at all and weren't looking specifically for their posts and pictures, you can do that without signing up.

One more thing - if this was an app on your phone and you weren't accessing it through the website, wouldn't you be getting tons of notifications when people you subscribed to were posting? I've never used the app but I'm assuming it acts like most out there and periodically sends you notifications which makes it hard for me to believe you weren't be reminded of it over and over again.

Be honest with your wife. You crossed the line. You wanted to see more of these social media friends. You've spent $X on it and hopefully subscribing to them was cheap for your sake. You would check up on them X number of times a week. IF you have done custom orders, you better tell her because it will be much worse if she finds out. Delete your account in front of your wife if you haven't already and give her full access to your phone, email, and social media accounts. That way she can rebuild some trust in you.

Lastly PLEASE get some IC because this:

I didn’t want to be with her because I felt like I was always failing her. I failed her in many ways that I thought that she would be happier without me so I was giving up. She begged me to stay but I always thought that she would be better off without me because I am a crappy person sometimes if not all the time. I don’t have much going for me. I told her that I didn’t love her because of how I saw myself.

Is extremely concerning. Healthy people don't do this and if you don't get this sorted with a professional, you will absolutely find yourself staring down serious marital problems once again if not a divorce. In fact, I don't see how your wife could ever feel comfortable staying with you long term given you have already told her that you don't and can't love her. She deserves better so go out and become the husband that she deserves.

What happened? Where'd you go?

It looks like you didn't expect the response you got. When that happens, it can be because your expectations are messed up, and you would benefit from connecting to your expectations to reality more closely.

It may be worth your while to stick around and post more.

[This message edited by sisoon at 1:30 PM, February 14th (Sunday)]