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Dd broke up with her bf a while ago. She said he was controlling, not letting her spend time with her friends at lunch, saying she can't get anymore piercings or tattoos.

She was sick of it.

At first I thought things were OK then she sent me a photo of his hand (he still sits with her on the bus). He's been using a plastic knife to cut himself.

Also saying things like he will use a real knife, giving her timelines to when she will get back together with him, telling her friends things that aren't true... being manipulative and mean.

She didnt tell me all of this at first.

As soon as I got it all out of her I sent the photos to his mother who had no clue what was happening. His mom said she would talk to him.

Fast forward to today. Dd gets home and is rattled. She said he told her the angry part of him wants to hurt her.

I called the school, explained what was happening and was told an administrator will call me. Sitting here waiting...

The school has control over the bus so hopefully they can make sure they are separated.

I'll be talking to the driver tomorrow. I told DD to sit with one of her girlfriends from now on.

I told dd to habe her phone recording any time he's around her.

I was going to ask when I should involve the authorities but I think I'll just go call thr non emergency line and see what an officer has to say.

A little mojo or some prayers sent for dd (and me) woukd be really helpful right now

Mojo and prayers sent.

That's creepy and scary. Hope you get some good advice and help. I hope he gets some help. It sounds like he needs it.

Thanks Zebra.

I'm waiting for calls back.

This is so bad. So scary. Dd clarified that he used the word "kill" not hurt. That makes this more serious and because they dated this also falls under domestic laws.

The officer wanted to check with his supervisor and see what the school wants to do on their end but in the end the police said their main concern is for dd's safety.

Can we please just get a break from crazy...

Yikes. Sending positive mojo your way— and glad the police are taking this seriously.

The police supervisor called back. He said he will call bf parent to discuss everything from the self harm to the threat.

Despite being reassured that reporting this was the right thing to do I'm so torn inside.

Maybe he's just acting out because he's hurt and needs help. On the other hand what if he had brought a real knife on the bus and stabbed dd...

There is no way to know what his intentions are so you did the right thing.

You are protecting your DD and hopefully he will also get help. It's not ok to threaten people whether you intend to follow through or not. He needs to learn how serious that is.

I’m sorry this has happened. I hope the school (and his parents) can manage this.

Clearly this young kid has some serious issues and I hope he gets the help he needs.

Well the officer must have gotten through to his mom because he sent snap chat messages to dd and I got screen shots of all of them. He's mad I called the police.

DD is shaking. She refuses to go on the bus tomorrow. I offered to let her stay home but she does want to go to school so I'll be driving her and picking her up.

The officer said he would call me back once he spoke to the other parent. When he does I'll let him know what ex bf said in the chat.

I told dd to tell him ahe didnt want to talk to him then not to reply to him anymore.

And ex bf sent dd a photo of a knife beside his hand with text that said

"Don't make me"

I immediately sent it to his mother. She thanked me and said she was going to talk to him.

God I hope she has him admitted for suicide watch.

I'm so sorry your DD is experiencing this. She must be so upset.

Prayers that everything works out and everyone stays safe.

Great job handling a very difficult situation!!

I gave dd Melatonin to help her sleep. She was pacing.

I'll drive her to school tomorrow and have a talk with the VP while there.

This escalated really quickly. Scary fast. Ex bf toned down the messages before I assume his mother got to him but it was still scary for dd to read.

I dont know the inner workings of snap chat. I'm hoping she can block him.

OMG. I had just gotten into bed when the officer called back. Said he had left a message for the parents but hadn't spoken to them.

I told him what happened with the snap chat messages and he said he would be here in a few minutes to see them...

I quickly got dressed.

He called again this time getting through to exbf mom, took photos of the messages from my phone, then was off to have a chat with ex bf and his mom...

I have to save the pictures I took of dd's phone.

Does anyone know if snap chat messages can be saved into a file?

Officer said he probably wouldn't be back tonight but I don't anticipate getting much sleep...

So sorry you and DD are going through this. AND glad the authorities are taking it seriously. How old is he? I hope he gets help and I CERTANLY hope his parents take it seriously too.

I KNOW, without saying, you will work to protect your DD.

The kids are both 14.

Hopefully things will work out alright today.

Oh DD that sounds like a lot for both of you! I sending prayers! Keep us posted please!

Yikes, I'm scared for your DD and you Drgn.

You're doing the right thing, getting both school and police involved. Her exBF has major issues for sure and you're doing everyone a favor by taking this seriously. DD is lucky to have you for her mom. You're being a great momma bear for her and teaching her to not accept this kind of shit in her life.

Wishing you guys peace over the break and hoping that her exBF gets the help he needs. Praying for y'all.

Update

The officer called me this morning right before I was about to leave to drive dd to school.

He said because the messages exbf sent last night stated what he had said (he asked dd if she called the police because he said he wanted to kill her or because of the suicide threat) they had enough proof to charge him with uttering a death threat under intimate partner violence.

He was formally charged this morning and was given conditions. He cannot speak, email, text, message or have friends pass messages to dd. He cannot be within 20 meters of her. He is allowed to go to school.

So I spoke to the school when I dropped her off. They were very understanding and helpful. They are going to see what other bussing options are available. Dd is to inform the principal if exbf contacts her or if she feels unsafe. All of dd's teachers are being informed. They will be working out what to do about their shared classes next semester.

Dd feels horrible. She said maybe she shouldn't have said anything. She feels bad for him getting in trouble. I calmly explained that none of this was her fault. That she did the exact right thing and now he will get the help he needs.

Dd and I talked on the drive. She has been afraid of men all of a sudden and I didn't know why. I asked her if the way her exbf treated her was why she didn't want to be around men at all and she said yes. 14 years old and already needs serious therapy!

Sounds like things were handled quickly and taken seriously.

I hope they follow up getting him help so he doesn't hurt himself or move on to the next person.

That is a lot for your young DD to process. I think her feelings are normal and you have done an outstanding job protecting and supporting her.

Big hugs for both of you.

Dd feels horrible. She said maybe she shouldn't have said anything. She feels bad for him getting in trouble.

I would also remind her that his actions were his CHOICE and even when confronted with possible consequences, he CHOSE to continue to harass and threaten.

I hope she's learned a valuable lesson about standing up for herself and not taking abuse from anyone. It's a very good lesson to learn.

Cat

Ex bf wasn't at school today so dd was ok for the most part. Exbf did tell one of his friends and that friend questioned dd but she stood up for herself and made it clear she wasn't going to discuss it.

I had plans to do Christmas shopping in a city north of us but with dd hesitant to even be at school I stayed closer. Got alot done. Not everything but a lot. I'm trying so hard to keep it together.

I'm the type of person who will cry if I see someone cry so emotions are close to the surface. I've had to hold everything in.

Wh uses humor for difficult situations and its not funny. I know he means well but it's not the time. I realize that's how he copes so I'm letting it slide for now, however I can only take so much from him.

Seeing dd go through this is so hard. She doesn't deserve this crap.