SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi everyone, I haven’t been here for a while as things seemed to have got better. Therapy went really well and communication between me and H are good.

Yet every year around this time (Dday month) I feel triggered and stressed. I feel sad in the evenings or when I’m on my own, I feel anxious all the time - and it takes me a while to figure out oh it’s because it’s that time of year. Is this really how it goes? And what can I do?

I went through this last spring, which is the time of year my wife conducted her affair and also when I found out. Last spring was my one year antiversary of d day. March and April for me, so I have that to look forward to again next spring.

All I can say is yes, this is really how this goes. All you can do is grit your teeth, unpack that toolkit you learned to use from therapy, and power through it. Feel those feelings and share them with your husband. If he's handling his end of recovery he'll handle a few meltdowns and understand.

This is what infidelity does. There are no shortcuts and it takes longer than anyone wants to heal. The rule of thumb is 2 to 5 years to recover from this type of trauma, and I believe reconciliation can be a lifetime work in progress. So don't beat yourself up or think you're crazy for feeling this way.

These anniversaries are hard for all of us. We really get it. We feel for you. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, but from my understanding it does ease up and get a little bit better each year. Hang in there and keep posting if you need to vent. We're really good at fielding tough posts full of tough emotions. I'm hearing you. We all hear you.

[This message edited by Pogre at 12:59 AM, Sunday, September 6th]

I can tell you that there will come a time when you will not feel pain. Just a dark irony, pity and pinch of disgust eventually, but so light that is nothing more inconvenient than a fly to flick away.

The other side might be regretting it way more.

I think this is normal. I was a wreck the 1st year (9 months after d-day), less of a wreck the 2nd year, much less of a wreck the 3rd. Beginning with the 4th antiversary, the day has been a non-event.

That was due to my focusing on healing and my W's consistent remorseful behavior.

I've been thru 2 dday anniversaries. They didn't hit as hard as I thought they would. Honestly what shocked me is my wife remembering the date.

For me, our wedding anniversary is harder because she "doesn't remember" if she was already talking to him when our 20th anniversary came around. At first she said she wasn't sure, then it changed to I don't think so.

An affair, the gift that keeps on giving :/

Thanks a lot for f'ing up my life you selfish bastard (wife)