I hope you all are well!
I haven’t posted in so long, it almost feels odd. My iPad has been out of commission for quite some time and I haven’t yet figured out how to use my laptop. 
Anyway, just wanted to check in and say hello, and to remind you all how important you have been to me through the past 15 years or so.
Since my husband‘s death over two years ago, my boys and I are trying our best to carry on. My son who is out just about a year from a five year stay in prison is doing amazingly well. He is going to barber school, and loving life with his family. Sometimes he will text me back-and-forth about different things for 10 or 15 minutes. It might not sound like much, but I cherish every text.
My middle son is also doing pretty well. He lives in a nearby town with a person whom I do not wish him to be with. At the risk of labeling her a narcissist, she certainly has a good bit of the traits associated with that label, and in the past they have had quite volatile fights, breaking windows, screaming, cursing. But nowadays, my son is back on his mental health meds, he has stopped using drugs of any kind with the possible exception of smoking weed every now and then, and has stopped drinking. He and she seem to be doing much better these days. He also has his old job back, and is taking online courses in landscaping… Something he has done just for his own enjoyment for a long time and now he is trying to work it into a future endeavor perhaps. He has my yard looking absolutely beautiful!
My oldest son, however, could use your prayers. He has been in trouble with the law, a couple of times in the last year or so. He has one more court appearance tomorrow, which will decide if he has to spend some time in jail. Sometimes he leaves the house at 2 o’clock in the morning and comes back at 5:00 AM but most of the time he stays in his room with the door closed and sleeps. Once every few days, I’ll knock on the door and ask if he is OK and he always says he’s fine. But I’m really quite worried even on the days that his daughter is with us – we have 50% custody – he rarely even comes out of his room. I think a good bit of this depression or whatever it is comes from losing his dad. Also, he shared with me once that several months before his dad passed away, he told my son that he was the oldest, and after he died, he wanted my son to look after everyone and keep the family together so anytime the family has any difficulties, I think this worries him sick. When he told me that my husband had said this to him, I told him that we were so lucky to have had his dad in our lives and that he was a very good and wise man. But that I felt he probably overstepped by putting that much on him. I told him that we all just had to do the best that we could do and we would appreciate any encouragement from anyone in the family when we face really hard times, but it wasn’t only up to him. It doesn’t seem like any of that has made a difference in his thinking.
I am hanging in there as best as I can. I miss my husband terribly. I think I tried to tune into my kids’ to the extent that I overlook dealing with my own grieving. And my brother-in-law whom I have loved as a brother since I was 12 years old, passed away last week. It’s the first time I have been in a funeral home or to a funeral since my husband‘s passing, and that was a challenge.
Again, I wish you all the very, very best. I’m going to try to check in more often and contribute when I can.
Thank God for this site.
[This message edited by WhatsRight at 5:30 PM, Sunday, September 27th]
