Topic is Sleeping.
1703ak ( new member #47409) posted at 10:33 PM on Monday, April 6th, 2015
BetterFuture13 ( member #46528) posted at 3:46 PM on Tuesday, April 7th, 2015
have only gone thru page one of this rhread and have 10 books to cheack out will be back for more later to get more
thanks everyone
Me: FWH/FBH
Her: FBW/FWGF (onlytime)
R'd
Madsen ( member #45500) posted at 9:32 AM on Thursday, April 16th, 2015
From How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful:
...this book is mostly geared for people who have betrayed their spouses through physical and/or romantic affairs, there are other ways people are unfaithful to their spouses, such as: viewing pornography, serial one-night stands, homosexual encounters, visiting prostitutes, voyeurism, or molesting children.
Implied: homosexuality and bisexuality do not file under "physical and/or romantic affairs" but under "visiting prostitutes" and "molesting children."
This is just one example of the right-wing Christian morals which form the basis for this book (the title is another - you can be partners without being married).
I really do not like this book and would not recommend it to anyone.
On a more positive note, I just finished Not Just Friends and that is at the completely opposite end of the spectrum. That book I cannot praise enough. Highly recommended.
Me: FWBF, 36
Her: BGF, 34
D-Day: October 26, 2014
TT: November 16, 2014; December 5 2014 into around January
Together: 5½ years
DD: almost 3yrs
Fallen (original poster member #4313) posted at 12:49 AM on Friday, April 17th, 2015
Madsen, is that quote from the book itself? I never read it myself, and am surprised to see that. I'm glad you did find something helpful in other books listed though.
You can't heal what you won't feel.
"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."
toasted22 ( member #38954) posted at 9:53 AM on Sunday, April 19th, 2015
I would like to add
Rebuilding your broken world by Gordon MacDonald
No stranger himself to brokenness [WS], Gordon MacDonald draws from personal experience and discusses the likely sources of pain, the humiliation, and the long- and short-range consequences of a broken personal world. And he offers encouraging answers to the questions everyone asks when their worlds fall apart: Is there a way back?
thanks for the great list
Madsen ( member #45500) posted at 9:26 AM on Wednesday, April 22nd, 2015
Fallen: Yes, it's a direct quote.
Me: FWBF, 36
Her: BGF, 34
D-Day: October 26, 2014
TT: November 16, 2014; December 5 2014 into around January
Together: 5½ years
DD: almost 3yrs
Fallen (original poster member #4313) posted at 11:11 PM on Thursday, April 23rd, 2015
Madsen, I can understand why that would be hurtful, so thanks for the heads up.
You can't heal what you won't feel.
"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."
sorrowfulmate ( member #43441) posted at 4:41 PM on Thursday, April 30th, 2015
Me-WS 52 Her-BS 51 Questioningall
5 kids DDay 12/13 (lied ONS)
Dday 3/3/14 - multiple EA, PA
TT ended in October when I had polygraph
"Good night, Sorrowful. Good work. Sleep well. I can always divorce you in the morning." Dread BS Roberts
Fallen (original poster member #4313) posted at 1:33 AM on Monday, December 7th, 2015
Bump... 
[This message edited by Fallen at 7:33 PM, December 6th (Sunday)]
You can't heal what you won't feel.
"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."
beautifulM33 ( member #51261) posted at 1:28 AM on Thursday, January 21st, 2016
This needs to be pinned. I also didn't know SI gets a kick back from the links in the library. I will look there before ordering future titles. Good stuff in this thread!
seeingitthrough ( new member #51412) posted at 2:26 PM on Thursday, January 21st, 2016
Fallen, I'm finding a lot of books that are called Should I Stay or Should I Go...who is the author of the one that helped you?
Me: WBF
Her: BGF ( seeingonlyred )
Together a little over a year before DDay1.
ONS 8/21/15
DDay1 8/27/15 Confessed ONS
Separated 10/15-2/16
TT until 3/20/16
DDay2 3/20/16 stopped lying when asked to take a poly
3/26/16 passed poly
HomerJ ( member #51307) posted at 5:42 PM on Thursday, January 21st, 2016
Sorry if this is in the thread somewhere. I have the not just friends book. Haven't started it yet as I'm finishing another. Is that a read by myself book, or will my BS benifit from it to?
How have others handled the books for both? One read to the other, or better to have each read separate and discuss at end of the chapter? Just curious. I'm hoping she will read with me, but she may not. I had her read some pages from every man's battle, and she didn't object.
WH 44 me
BS 44 her
3 kids
Dday 7/10/12
Married 16yrs together 19
She filed for D 2/15/16
Macsecond ( member #43972) posted at 9:19 PM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2016
Me - WW (42)
Him - BH (40)
Married 18 years.
2 amazing daughters (DD10 and DD6)
DDay - July 4, 2014 (I confessed to 5 month OEA)
BetterFuture13 ( member #46528) posted at 12:54 AM on Thursday, February 18th, 2016
Me: FWH/FBH
Her: FBW/FWGF (onlytime)
R'd
HomerJ ( member #51307) posted at 1:13 AM on Thursday, February 18th, 2016
Sorry but I skimmed this thread. Anything on helping WS get some self esteem and feeling of self worth back after seeing how much damage we have done?
I've got quite a few books to help me with BS, but none to help me put me back together.
Ty
WH 44 me
BS 44 her
3 kids
Dday 7/10/12
Married 16yrs together 19
She filed for D 2/15/16
oldtimer97 ( member #2365) posted at 2:36 AM on Friday, August 5th, 2016
WS ONLY
[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:14 AM, August 5th (Friday)]
“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”
― Maya Angelou
To save a marriage, you must be willing to lose the marriage.
Skibunny ( member #52590) posted at 1:37 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2016
Thanks for these suggestions.
I've found a pdf of Shame and Guilt: The Masters of Disguise by Jane Middelton-Moz so will be reading this.
Me: WW, 31, FOO issues, post natal depression, in IC
Him: BH, 31
Met 2004
Married 2011
EA/PA with COW 2015
DD Feb 2016
LostinIKEA ( member #52457) posted at 3:38 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2016
This is a great list! Thank you for creating it and bringing it back. It would be a great thing to get pinned, as someone posted before, because I didn't know this thread existed until today.
One book I have is "Steering Clear: Avoiding the Slippery Slope to Moral Failure." It does use examples from the bible, but also real life. It was helpful in labeling my thoughts as justifications, and gave me some understanding in how I got on the slippery slope of everything I was doing.
Thank you again to everyone who has posted books, as well!
Goals: Honesty, transparency, and genuineness.
onlytime ( member #45817) posted at 2:55 AM on Monday, August 22nd, 2016
R'd w/ BetterFuture13
T 20+ yrs w/ adult kids 😇 + grands
"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall" ~Nelson Mandela
HurtingEveryone ( member #51737) posted at 7:02 AM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2016
Non Violent Communication:A Language of Life. This was a big read but got me at least started towards more effectively communicating my needs as well as trying to listen with some empathy and compassion. I still need a lot of work and practise on all communicating in general, but this book at least got me started toward a healthier and empathic direction.
The Shame That Binds Us. This one was really good about how early experiences with shame shape our life later on and provides good tools for overcoming and letting shame go. There is a spiritual context to it if you care or not.
Why Do I Do That? Psychological Defense Mechanisms and they way they shape our life. This really helped me to see how i was using defensiveness as a coping mechanism to avoid my own pain and was transferring it onto others. So much rang hit home for me.
I really want to read Daring Greatly. I have heard great things and have really enjoyed her TED talks.
Me - WH, SA in recovery.
I have been a taker for too long.
Topic is Sleeping.
