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So Maggie May is in a good place at the Rainbow Bridge with Otis and Lucy running and playing with her.

OH MY GOSH!,,

I LOVED reading the stories about Otis! I know other people get it, but reading these stories really is wonderful. Thank you so much for that.

I have felt guilty even posting about this. Poor maise has lost her father, and I’m talking about a pet.

I’m sad to say that it’s not getting any better really. I’ve cried so much every day that I’m afraid I might’ve burst a blood vessel behind my eye. When I wipe the tears out of my eyes my right eye feels swollen and sore.

Maggie always slept on the couch with me, either at the foot of the couch or alongside me. I would rest my hand on her head, or put my feet up against her. It’s been about a year and a half since I have stretched my legs out while sleeping. If I stretched them out my feet had to be hanging off of the end of the couch so I wouldn’t be crowding her. Sometimes I would wake up in the morning with my feet on the floor. I don’t even know how I slept that way. Earlier today, April - my beagle/border collie jumped up on the end of the couch where Maggie used to be. I caught myself before I scolded her for being in Maggie’s place. 🫤

I have a "best friend" that I’ve known for over 60 years. We grew up together. Now she lives several states away, but we talk or text every few months. And then I have a "best friend" in Washington state that I speak to twice a day. We are very close And I have known her for 35+ years. And I have a sister that lives a half a mile from me and I’ve known her all my life, but Maggie was truly my best friend. She would nuzzle me when I was sad. She would FORCE me to get my lazy ass up and play with her. She was my forever friend.

She loved to nip at my fingers when I would walk in front of her. Eventually, every time we would be walking somewhere I would just let my arm nearest her hang down by my side and she would gently nibble on it until we got where we were going.

She had separation anxiety, so every time I was away, she would totally destroy the room or the yard where she was. About three days before she died I spent about three hours in my backyard picking up and raking up pieces of stuffing from a pillow or something that she got a hold of and trashed the whole backyard with. Now, I actually wish it was still out there. But if it was, I would probably never pick it up.

It’s sad, but I really don’t want to be around the other dogs. They don’t seem to be missing her. I haven’t seen them looking around at all. The only thing is that yesterday April came up to the coffee table where I have Maggie’s collar, and was sniffing at it.

Also, I feel a great space between the way that I used to feel about Bella, and the way I see her now. Every time I walk into my husband’s room, which is quite frequently during the day, she runs to the edge of the bed and wants to jump on me and love on me. I don’t know why I don’t feel the same. I speak to her an I love on her, but I think I’m feeling so much sorrow that it’s hard to show happiness.

My husband told me he was sorry when he found out about Maggie. And that has been it. Neither of my sons has spoken of it to me in any way. When we got home from the emergency vet at about 4 o’clock in the morning, I asked the son that went with me if he would please dig her grave. He said he would. She was lying in a cardboard coffin that the emergency vet gave us. Behind the driver seat in our van. By noon he still had not buried her so I asked him again. And I texted my other son to please help him. No response. So about 230 I started trying to find someone else to help me. We are having a pretty bad drought here and the ground is like concrete. Also my knees are so messed up and I’m so freaking old that I just couldn’t dig the hole myself. So I finally found a pet cremation place and took her over there. I will be picking up her ashes on Monday.

I’ve told myself many times that I should put on my big girl panties and get busy living without her. But I haven’t seemed to be able to at this point. I’ve lost so many pets through my 70 years. Losing Maggie is so different and it is so much harder with her. Maybe it’s because it is so much fresher on my mind. Because I have adored all of my pets. But if I am honest, I believe that part of the reason why I am suffering so much over her death is not only because she was so young, and because I couldn’t afford to provide advanced care to see if we could help her get better, but because I believe she was the only one in this house who really loved me.

Now, I just feel so very alone.

I guess I’m done with “new” pets. Jackie Chan is over 13 years old and feeling her age. I guess she will be gone before too long. And the dog that belongs to my granddaughters mother is quite old as well. Or perhaps she will go live with them when they are able to save up the pet deposit. But April and Bella have many years left. Of course I would’ve said the same thing about Maggie last week.

Thank y’all for being here to share about your pets. It brings me joy to hear how much joy they gave you in their lives.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 12:23 AM, Saturday, November 11th]

Oh WR, I'm so sorry. I lost my dog last year to the same thing (she was 8). She was having grand mal and multifocal point seizures and they couldn't stop them. The vet suspected either Valley Fever (big in our area) or a brain tumor, and they wanted thousands of dollars just to dx her. I also made the decision to put her down and even though I know it was probably best, it still haunts me.

Hugs to you, WR... I'm so, so sorry.

We all want the very best for those we love. Even with the best of modern medicine, sometimes there's no way to be sure their suffering isn't still there. Pets are so brave. She's there waiting for you, sending her love. When we think of them, I know they feel our intentions. When there is no pain, only love and light, the warmth of the spirit shines brightly. It reaches out and finds us. We grieve for them but they see our pain and know that when we are together again there will be no pain, only love and understanding. All the misunderstandings and times we failed are forgotten. There is only love and joy.

I totally believe all of what you said, pureheartkit.

On the worst of days, I wish I was there with her…not that I’m wishing to die, but there is something about the thought of being with some "one" who returns all your love.

Thanks for all the sweet baby stories. When I read them, I smile through my tears.

Right you are about the love of another being who keeps letting you know they love you back!

As I just read again what I posted to Jeanniegirl this evening about my late Mr. K, what hit me was that old dog I loved had qualities in his spirit I haven't found anywhere else in my life!! I know you can so relate.

We can ALL relate.

That’s so true, Jeaniegirl.

Camaraderie.

It’s why this site is so helpful. It’s why each thread seems to bring some element of comfort to others. It is shared experience. Connection.

And "connection" is what I had with Maggie. And what I lack with my family members.

I don’t think any of us fully realize how important we can be to each other.

Thanks for sharing your experiences with your forever animal friends. I never get enough of the stories.