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Newest Member: TopMeadow

Just Found Out :
Still Stunned & Not Sure Which Way is Forward

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Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 2:37 AM on Wednesday, May 20th, 2026

"What do I have to look forward to in life now?"

I am free of infidelity. There are billions of people in the world. I should have realized much sooner what I realized later: I had about a 50-50 chance of walking into an average bar and finding a man who was not a cheater, but 💯 chance that my exwh was a cheater.

As for someone who is a data guy. Well my now F is a data guy. He met me. At a business conference.

Was a fbh (horrible backstory). He now dresses well, has nice straight teeth now, drives a newer clean kinda cool vehicle, and is over 3/4 of the way through his mba. Call it the girlfriend effect if you will. And he has a job. Well, he always had a job haha But all and all not bad for a third act. Bonus he can drive at night, which among the older set is a rare commodity.

I told him that I was no catch with my backstory, but that I could teach him how to land a really high quality woman 😂 I told him he should just go to Target for one, but be careful because he might be overrun with dating prospects. He keeps insisting he thinks he should marry me.

So short version, there is no shortage of happiness or quality experiences post divorce from a cheater. I find life to be much more peaceful. One other helpful revelation I had was that maybe just maybe it was not the "bad" marriage that was creating the cheating in my ex marriage, but the cheating that was causing the bad marriage.

I am so sorry you find yourself here. I wish you much healing and future happiness.

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 2081   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8895607
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icangetpastthis ( member #74602) posted at 3:55 AM on Wednesday, May 20th, 2026

So sorry Running. Truly traumatic what you are being forced to deal with. Your wife has left your marriage and relationship in the worst way. It is most likely worse than you even realize. It is possible that she has been seeing both you and the OM for sometime. If true, it is possible that she has brought heartbreak to OM too, while she goes back and forth between you and OM. Playing like she is the prize. Awful behavior. If you knew the whole truth now as painful as it is, it would be much easier for you emotionally to finalize the end of your legal marriage. My guess is OM will also be done with her as well as their affair plays out. By the time she gets to that point, you will be well on your way to being happier without her.
Don't be scared of being alone. It's better then being lied to and cheated on everyday. It's better then being treated like sh** everyday when you didn't even do anything wrong.
I realized that I was already alone when I was married. I realized that I was the one who took care of everything when I was married.
Because your WW has not recognized how special you really are, doesn't mean that you're not. Keep your chin up and don't ever accept her opinion of you. I hope that you continue to post. And, take care of yourself like the others are saying. This stuff is really hard, so try to take some time everyday to just relax yourself. And, get the stress out in positive and simple ways.

M = 40 yrs on DDay = May 2017,
In House Separated = May 2024,
Filed For D = March 2025,
D = Oct 2025,
IHS Over = April 2026 (1 year, 11 months, 12 days).

My DDay: https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums/?tid=665421&AP=1&HL=74

posts: 140   ·   registered: Jun. 16th, 2020
id 8895608
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