You will never know who you really are, if you don't realizewhere you truely belong

I have betrayed my best friend

I have betrayed my best friend. I just don't know how else to put it. My wife, who is by far the most beautiful woman i have ever known, is my best, my closest and i think my only friend. Still i managed to betray her with an other woman for a period of 7 months. 7 Months in total from wich 5 with physical contact.

Since D Day i am trying to figure out what brought me to my actions. I love my wife, i have always loved my wife and i have always thought that there would never be anything or anyone who could come between us. I couldn't have been more wrong. Besides loving my wife, there is one person who i love more than anything. That person is me. Maybe it's beter to say loved instead of love because the damage i have caused within my family is so devastating that i find it hard to look in the mirror these days. My wife is heartbroken, torn to pieces and for what? For my own personal gain?

I am here because i realize i need help. I need help to figure out what made me come to my actions. I have come to terms with the fact that i own some sort of personality disorder in combination with a sex addiction. At the moment i am seeing a profesional, allthough i don't think i am in the right place. I also show signs of narcistic behaviour and that is something i am really trying to deal with.

More important than anything else is the fact that i am in need of help regarding my wife. I need to be there for her, for her pain and to help her process the trauma i have caused. I truelly regret what i have done and will spend the rest of my life trying to fix everything. The love is strong and still there but the trust is completly gone. The problem is that i am the one who caused all of this, and also the one she talks to, wich is hard for her ofcourse.

Ever since D Day i am an open book to my wife. She has full acces to everything like email, phone, bancaccounts etc, and we spend a lot of time talking. She is suffering, she is suffering so much that i wake up every morning feeling ashamed of myself.

I realize that it took a lot of courage for my wife not to throw me out and to give me the change to make things right. I don't feel like i deserve a second change as i threw her under the bus as if she meant nothing to me.

By posting here i am trying to find ways to get us through this, hoping that experience from other might give me some guidance...i really, really need and want help with this

19 comments posted: Sunday, September 26th, 2021