I’ve never done this before

Hi all. I’m sure you will see I just joined today. This happened 2 days ago and I’m feeling awful….

My husband and I have been married for a year. We have no children together, however I have a step child who is 9, whom we have full custody of. Since day one I have felt stressed out over being a step parent and my step daughter has a lot of trauma/behavioral issues. These issues the child has has started to bleed into our marriage, as I’ve begged my husband to get her counseling since she does not respect me and has a lot of anger due to her mother not being in the picture. (She has been in and out of jail for step daughters whole life, using drugs, etc). He will not do it. I’ve offered to take her and pay myself and he said no. I have given up.

Within the last 3 months things have gone really down hill and my husband has put so much strain on me/my role as a step parent. He has also become more comfortable siding with his child and saying I’m mean to her/need to be better as an adult and her behavior will only get worse as she gets older. I have gone to therapy since February to deal with my stress and anxiety/other issues. Ultimately I have felt so alone emotionally and haven’t received support from my husband. He has also in the last 3 months taken a new job where his work hours are 4pm to 4 am, Monday through Friday - I work full time myself and have to deal with her alone in the evenings. He is never around and I have questioned more how much longer will I be able to handle this. I told him 3 weeks ago he either gets her into counseling or this isn’t going to work. He said he would do what he needed to, but has not done so. I feel sad because he’s my best friend and I don’t want to go through this. But I feel as though I have done literally everything I can to try to help her so we all aren’t miserable - but to no avail.

I reconnected innocently with an old work friend 2 months ago. We have a lot in common and I never disclosed anything to him about my marriage strain until a month after talking. He told me I need to do what makes me happy but that my husband also doesn’t deserve a marriage where his wife is half in and half out. Eventually the conversations became less innocent and well, two days ago I had an affair with him. IMMEDIATELY I regretted it. I have never in my life been a cheater or a liar and here I am. I have not told my husband, as I know he will kick me out of the house and there will be no talking to him. I’m ashamed of what I’ve done; it was not worth it. I go to my therapist on Wednesday but I’m feeling just so completely down and so confused. I don’t have any urge to continue talking with the friend anymore nor do I ever want him. This is completely out of character for me and I feel so remorseful I did this. I don’t know what to do next. Please shed some light on me and this situation.

9 comments posted: Monday, October 11th, 2021