Given a chance

First post. I found out about this site from my husband who has since been removed from the website so I hope it's okay that I post.

I had an emotional affair that became a physical affair at the end resulting in me performing oral on my affair partner. I confessed, though not everything, right after the encounter. I kept secret the pictures we would send and he found that out pretty recently. He found out about the affair in October. My husband is crushed, devastated, there's not really a word for it. My husband is a kind and caring man he faced many hardships in his life before and after we got together. His mom cheating on his dad and ruining him, forcing him to work and leave his dreams and school behind because his dad didn't make enough to support them both. Other things after that he struggled with. I don't know how much he said since I haven't read his posts.

My husbands goal was always to get married and have kids. Like I said he's very kind but also funny, driven, handsome and free. My adultery is something he never expected, not in a million years because I understood what happened to him. Yet I did it anyways, I liked the attention, I didn't think I'd go that far but deep down I knew I would. There was nothing wrong in our marriage, sure we'd fight about money or something but we'd never stay upset for more than a day. So of course I had to destroy it.

He's never let his anger out fully he keeps it and only lets bits of it out. He's tired of his life, he said he always loses and he could count on me always but now he can't

He's giving me until the divorce hearing to prove I want him so we can try to reconcile. He explained to me to not get my hopes up but to just try your best. Me starting counseling was also a requirement, he's scared for my mental health because of the kids. They hate me and now they don't want to talk to him either.

He wants something to show I mean it, and that I already know what it is. I've thought about it so hard I don't know what it is. I've always tried to help him but now he's more receptive to it. I do everything before he has a chance to but that just makes him upset he says he doesn't want a maid. He asked me if I wanted to have sex and I didn't really know how to answer except yes I would and he just cried. We were onlies not just for sex but for kissing too. I'm just cheap and I threw it away for nothing, I hurt my husband and my children for no reason. I tell him I love him we have long talks every night starting about 2 weeks ago we let it all out. I try to be empathetic but I can't understand his pain so to him if comes off as just sadness and remorse.

I just wanted to ask what I could do to help him I love him. My post is all over the place too I'm sorry

145 comments posted: Wednesday, June 1st, 2022