5 weeks later and im still dying inside.
Hi, I am new to here or any social media. I hate social media, but... I am going to try this site...So, here I go...
For a couple months my wife and I have been on and off. First I thought it was life, I run a small company and she works a couple days a week (12 hour days). We have 3 kids, all under the age of 10.
So needless to say, life was stressful.
So my wife to relieve her stress would live at her gym. But it started to be more and more and something was off. This is not your normal gym... it has pools, a hotel and 3 floors of gym and a restaurant. It's a small city sort of.
Something in my gut told me something was off, but I wasnt sure if it was me, or what. But finally about 5 weeks ago I did something I have never done in my 13 years of marriage. I grabbed her phone while she was in the shower.
And all my fears came to life and hit smack square in the face. I still remember whatI was wearing and what I made for breakfast that day.
I found text under deleted-deleted text (Yes, if you have iPhone, when you delete it, it does not fully delete. You can go to top left corner and click on a drop down menu, and there is shows at the bottom 'recover deleted text').
Well, I found a text thread between my wife and he co worker and it was filled with all these selfies and text from a man I have never seen before. It was her telling he friend at work how crazy she is about this guy she met at the gym, so she sent screen shots and photos to her friend. (He is also married w two kids).
I then found love letters from him to her. then text and selfies... it just didnt stop. Apparently both had been talking about how crazy they are for each other and they didnt know what to do for months.
So here we are 5 weeks later and we are worse off than when I first found out.
I have lost 20 pounds and sleep MAYBE 3-4 hours a ngt. My company has suffered and my kids know something is wrong (not our infant though, of course).
We are seeking counseling and trying to move on. She swears she sorry and she does and says the right things MOST of the time. But she still defends the guys, like he was a good guy in an awful marriage. She also has never told me what they discussed or much else. She deflects, prob thinking I'll divorce her I guess if she's honest.
She then began to say she did this because our marriage wasnt great. Which I disagree to a point. We had issues, but I loved her and respected her. Gave her everything she wanted. She carried on the affair for at least 3 months (that I know of). I think it was more than 5 months...
I knew something was up when she got a boob job 8 months ago, then started buying tons of smaller and smaller work out attire, got in super good shape...then what finally set me off was when she would wear make up to work out.
She wanted this man and he wanted her. They did not give a crap about their families or what hornets nest would open.
The text I saw from her to her friend would send most into a deep depression. Which I maybe in myself, I don't know.
But I do know this, I am miserable and dying inside. We have tried to keep it together of the kids, but it's impossible at this point.
So, I have decided to step away for a couple months. A friend has a nice place on the beach that he never uses. So, I am staying home for Christmas, then heading out.
So here is my question, has anyone in here done this (where they took time away)? Where they found out, stayed and tried to make it work, then realized its going to take a massive amount of time, then come the conclusion that taking time away is not only a good health choice, but also time to clear your head? If you have, and you are already past the the point and returned home to make it tier and work.... how did it go? What should I expect?
Plus, I simply to not trust my wife one bit. So if I leave, maybe she'll want to be w the other guy or want me. I don't know, it's not a game... but I have no idea what she really wants in life.
So, any advice is welcomed.
Thank you for your time. This is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life. The absolute hardest. My love for my wife has never wavered. Ever.
51 comments posted: Friday, December 23rd, 2022
