Dday Antiversary

I can't believe I survived this rollercoaster ride and I am not sure if I can still ride on it for the next coming years.

I don't think my WH understands the impact of the betrayal and trauma he puts me in.

He still couldn't handle my triggers most of the days. He is definitely not consistent as well. We are okay if I am okay but I feel like he doesn't care anymore. I really don't know why I am still here trying to fix whatever it is that needs to be fixed.

Just last week, he told me if we are just always like this, arguing etc etc, might as well get a D. I agreed and said sure. Next day, he hugged me and said that he didn't mean it. 🙄 Told him that I dont think I can still do this anymore and just wanted to die and he said I am being selfish, just thinking about myself. He disregard it. He doesnt believe that I have depression, not until I told him I will take antidepressant.

TBH, I don't really understand myself anymore and why I am still trying to hold on. I just couldn't let go. Is there something wrong with me? Am I not allowed to feel whatever I want to feel? Is there something that I am missing here? Am I just like this because its the "antiversay"?

I am going to start my meds this week, maybe, just maybe, it was really me who has a problem that I couldn't move on to this misery. I feel stuck!
I am still lost after a year of all of this shit.

Best revenge? Living my best life? How to even start with that when all you can think of was all the mind movies, triggers given to you?

IC, journaling, praying, meditate, walking?! Name it. Doesn't seem to work. It helps a bit but it doesn't really work. Most of the days I just want to die.

I'm sorry for the typo/grammar error. I am not really good expressing my feeling thru words.

13 comments posted: Friday, July 5th, 2024

How to handle 1st yr anniv DDay?

Any advice? Recommendation/suggestions?
What not to do or do?

*sigh*

For almost a week now, I don't understand this feeling. I am not sure if because Dday is approaching!
All I can think everyday was the A and the AP.

It is annoying because no matter what I do, its just in my mind -- ruminationg all the shit they have done.

Almost a yr since Dday and I feel like we just had less than 10% of progress. Lately, I am getting tired and would like to give up. I don't think my WH would ever want to fix this relationship. He said he was trying but only when it comes to our children and sometime doing chores.

I asked him to leave for now because everytime I see him, my trigger gets worse and worse and worse and he doesn't know how to handle it so we are ending up arguing.

TBH, I really dont know anymore.
I am trying my best to focus on my healing and for my children but nothing seems to be working.
Sometimes, I feel like there is something wrong with me.
My mind is a mess! This trauma is beyond scary than I imagined.

2 comments posted: Thursday, June 13th, 2024

Letting Go of the Car

Just wanted to share to everyone that it's finally happening!

The car (our family car) that my WH & AP used to do their deeds, dates, etc etc will be gone in few days (4 days)!
We went to the dealership yesterday and had a pretty decent deal. They had the car in stock so we don't need to wait that long.

Aahhhhh! This for me alone is a reason to celebrate!

7 comments posted: Sunday, May 26th, 2024

Message from the OW

OW sent me a very long message.
Trying to explain why she bought a gift for my WH.

She said she got to do what she needs to do eventhough she knows it was a selfish act. 🙄

She said "dont worry about my husband" (I informed her H about her buying my H the gift) and she continued you should worry about yourself and have pity on yourself because everyone is moving on now except you.

She also said that she is sorry if I have the impression that they are still talking to each other and she doesn't have any plan. She said that she just need to do something for my H so she can move forward and let go of him?!
And it is up to my H whether he'll take it or not.

And at the end of the message and after all some of sarcasm in the message, she said she is sorry for the pain she had cause for me and my children.

TBH, I dont feel that she was really sorry. I mean, Im sorry but she knew from the start that my WH is married and have kids.
She even continued their A right after she got married thinking that my WH will stop the wedding for her! Sick!🤢

This gives me trigger again.
I really dont know if I should call her or even respond to her. But thinking about it, Id rather not to. I dont want to waste anymore of my time to this bitch!
The audacity! How does OW have the nerve to even play the victim of what happened?!

Anyway, really dont know what I am asking here. I just want to really let this out rather than breaking down again.

8 comments posted: Monday, May 20th, 2024

Anger & Disgust

Hello everyone..

I just need to let this out. I know/hope someone here will understand what I am going through right now.

I feel so disgusted towards my WH.

I feel so angry whenever I look at him.

Triggers, mind movies, flashbacks etc etc on peak for the last few weeks. Tried my best to overcome them as much as possible. I thought I was doing okay. 🥺

He is trying his best now to be a safe partner (except the IC part) slowly but surely, but who knows right? There is always a doubt especially if you have been lied to over & over again. Not even sure anymore what to believe.

I am no longer doing IC. I stopped for now. I feel like it doesn't work for me (atleast not now). He doesn't do IC (I gave up convincing him).

One of my dearest friend told me yesterday that she feels like I am giving up. She felt like the "I don't give a f*ck anymore" vibe from me while I was telling her what I am going through for the past couple of weeks. All I could say to her after that was "I'm tired. I'm really tired emotionally and mentally." And that hit me hard. I bawled my eyes out.

I just don't know anymore. 😔
I tend to overthink now because of this betrayal trauma. I'm really exhausted.

Does anyone had similar experience or experience this kind of phase? I know I am less than a year since Dday or is it because "Dday anniv" is approaching?

Also, I've been meaning to ask this --- why some of SIers are saying that the year 2 is much worst than the year 1?

13 comments posted: Tuesday, April 23rd, 2024

Relationship Limbo

Is there any thread about relationship limbo?

I feel like my WH and I are in a limbo right now.

Any advice on how to get out of this or resolve this except getting a D?

There are few improvements for the both of us but I feel like I am the one who puts more effort into it. I have to admit that we are not consistent with our actions sometimes and they are times that I will fall back and bring up the details of the A all over again and rub it on his face. Whats worse is that for the past few days, for some reason, the mind movies, triggers and intrusive thoughts are on high peak. There are just some days that it will hit you really hard and eventually you will realize that this is our reality now.

I had a really dark thoughts as well where I feel like I was re-living the past when the A was going on and thinking about getting back/revenge to the OW & to my WH (revenge affair). I know it is not worth it to put too much effort thinking about the OW but it is just so hard to disregard it especially she completely knew 100% that my WH is married and do have kids.

Anyway, back to my question about limbo... any advice please? I would really appreciate it.

14 comments posted: Friday, March 22nd, 2024

Good Friend

I just want to get this off out of my chest. Thank you whoever reads it.

WH & I had a talk last night. I told him I am having intrusive thoughts and some triggers. A lot of questions again about his A details. Surprisingly enough, it was the first time ever we had a conversation about his A details without getting irritated and we did not end up arguing. It was a "calm" conversation.

I asked him if the OW was special to her and he said "no" but he was a "good friend" and I asked with benefits? He paused and said yeah. He also said that the OW understood him whenever he vent out about how I don't understand him and about how we always fight.

I asked him as well how does it feel like when he was having his A and then he said, it was scary but at the same time it was a "temporary" escape/happiness when he is with his AP. He also said they had good times but he wouldn't do it (cheat) ever again. 🤷‍♀️ (he better not but will see about that 🙄)

He answered my questions and it did help my mind to stop thinking all sorts of scenarios that arent really true. (Not sure though if I believe what he said). 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, Hearing this makes me sad rather than mad now actually. Yes, there is still pain but not excruciating pain like before. Is that normal?

But TBH, yes, it makes me sad hearing like I said but I really don't know how to react or what to feel really at the same time. I just said OK, thank you for answering my questions, he then hugged me and said he is really sorry. I didn't say anything and I just walked out.

8 comments posted: Tuesday, March 12th, 2024

Goodbye Gift

I'm here to rant. I am so mad right now!!!

Just found out that the OW reached out to my WH few months ago and she asked him if he could go to a store to pick up a gift she bought for him as a "goodbye gift" (a bit expensive about $300+ gadget).

WH broke the NC and went to the store to pick up the so called gift. WH did not meet up with the OW. They communicated thru text and WH said it was a short conversation. 🙄 Nothing else.

Now, he was upset that I am mad and making me feel like I am making a big deal out of this. Mind you I have been asking him since Dday if OW gave something to him and his answer is always a NO!!!

He said he took the gift because he needed it anyway and its just a gift. It makes me wonder how the hell would that OW know that he needed that particular gadget given if NC since DDay (about 4-5months apart)!!

WH said NC since Dday and thats the only time OW reached out to him (would you believe? I dont.)

I dont know what to do anymore but Ill make sure that the OW will get this gadget back even if I will be the one to deliver it on her face. Informed OBS about this new information. Didnt care if it will matter to him or not.

D is on the table but it is not easy to proceed, too many to reconsider in terms of children & properties.

And I thought all this time we are doing okay and trying to move past this nightmare together! All lies!!!!!! UGH!!

24 comments posted: Friday, March 1st, 2024

Family Car

Hello, I know there was a thread about family car or car here that talked about on how to go about it if the WS and his/her AP used it to do the deeds.

Any advice who had gone on a similar experience?

Did you keep the car or trade it in?

How did you guys talk about it with your WS in a calmly manner and without arguing?

Thanks in advance.

20 comments posted: Wednesday, February 28th, 2024

Losing Hope..

Just wanted to know how was everyone when they were at 7 months post Dday?

I had a trigger yesterday and I felt I was back to Dday.

I asked him again if he loved his AP and he said he is starting to fall for her just a month before Dday, before I saw their conversation.
Then, he was fucking telling me that he wanted to end it already days before I saw their conversation. I know he is lying about him wanted to end it. I know he was just sorry because I found out.

This is sooo difficult.
I dont know what to do anymore.

He wants to postpone the counselling too and would like to "fix" it by ourselves for now and see if it will work. He is asking for a chance to prove that he can be a better person and a husband.

But for me, I am losing hope. I am so lost. I don't know if this is because of the trigger or the trauma that is talking but I feel like giving up.
I'm tired.
I am doing IC but I dont think it's helping.

I really dont know how to go through this anymore.
I am really down.
I just want to die.

6 comments posted: Tuesday, February 13th, 2024

Letting WH to hang out with his co-workers/friends

Hi, just wanted to ask the BSes here if they can give me some advices on how to manage or handle when WH would like to hang out with is friends/co-workers (all male).

Since DDay (JULY), WH just started hanging out with his co-workers/friends maybe 2 months ago. He does let me know and asked my permission if it is okay with me & he agreed to turn on his tracker. He sometimes video call me too if I do get triggers while he is out just to reassure me.

However, since last week, I find that there is always a "last minute" get together. First, he said it was a birthday party and that's okay with me since I dropped him off to the venue & nothing to be suspicious about. Second, it was yesterday when he said it was a last minute baskbetball game and I said NO because I made plans already. Take note, he doesn't usually hang out during weekdays due to work but this time he is willing to stay up late eventhough his work starts at 4AM and lastly today, he asked me if he can hang out with the same coworkers/friends because a friend of his did not get the position they promised to him at work and needed to just vent out/rant out.

I just told him today its up to him but he needs to turn on his tracker.

My thing is, when he was having his A, he always used his coworker friends as an alibi so he can go out with the OW & everytime he does this now, I get triggered. He knows that but he does the work to reassure me that nothing is going on.

I know for a fact I cannot stop my WH to be with his friends but how do I handle this in a way to rebuild the trust slowly?
I'm trying not to panic right now and trying not to have some intrusive thoughts.

Any advice is greatly appreciated or even if letting me know that I am not crazy to think this way. 😔

4 comments posted: Friday, January 26th, 2024

Heart Murmur

Hello..

Anyone here who is in medical field?

Just found out today that I have a heart murmur (above normal?).

My doctor said it is common and nothing but needed further testing such as ECG, echo & holter monitor.

I had a terrible anxiety attack today due to my triggers.

I tried my very best to control it and to not think about it but I failed. This cause me with tremors and eventually hyperventilating and rapid heartbeat/breathes. I thought I was going to die or atleast I thought I was having a heart attack.

Went to see my family doctor and they checked my BP (155/110) and my heartbeat. It was only for a few second and he paused and said "did you know you have heart murmur?" Sooo yeah. I am not prepared for this. 😭😭

Can someone let me know I should not worry about this too much?

5 comments posted: Wednesday, January 24th, 2024

Heart murmur 💔

Hello..
Anyone here who is in medical field?

Just found out today that I have a heart murmur (above normal?).
My doctor said it is common and nothing but needed further testing such as ECG, echo & holter monitor.

I had a terrible anxiety attack today due to my triggers.
I tried my very best to control it and to not think about it but I failed. This cause me with tremors and eventually hyperventilating and rapid heartbeat/breathes. I thought I was going to die or atleast I thought I was having a heart attack.

Went to see my family doctor and they checked my BP (155/110) and my heartbeat. It was only for a few second and he paused and said "did you know you have heart murmur?" Sooo yeah. I am not prepared for this. 😭😭

Can someone let me know I should not worry about this too much?

2 comments posted: Tuesday, January 23rd, 2024

Couple Counselling Opinions

Is it worth it?
And which therapist you should really go for? More on EFT or LMFT?

H does not want to go for IC. Agreed to MC.

Agreed to "fix" our relationship and move on forward and I am really hoping that the MC will somewhat help us, atleast, for a jump start?
Not sure.

As much as I want to let go and have D, there is something in me that is holding it back. Kids? Financial stability? Name it. I just really can't. I know for a fact that I still love him as well but maybe not inlove with him. Its tainted already.

I feel it is the same for him but couldn't admit it. We don't really have that emotional intimacy and connection anymore. I, too, feel that we are giving this a chance for our children and who knows we will find our way back to each other in the long run. As long as, I can see any hope, I will give it a shot. Atleast I know I just did not give up so easily.

I am doing IC and that doesn't help so I am meeting another IC next week.

Talked to a lawyer as well about D and everything. D is our last resort for sure but we almost took that path last month. (Yeah, I know. I am all over the place, couldnt make up my mind.) I feel like it is just starting to sink in. 6 months post DDay.

24 comments posted: Monday, January 8th, 2024

Thinking about suing the OW and WH for emotional distress

Anyone went on this path?
Any thoughts on this?

In our state, adultery is not a "crime" so I cannot sue them for adultery. I can file divorce on the grounds of adultery though.

This might sound petty but I just want them, especially the OW, to know that this is just one of the consequences they can face for what they did!

I feel like they are just getting away with it like nothing happened and us, as a BS, are the ones who are suffering the most and paying the highest price of what they did.

Can someone smack me on my head so that I can think straight that. Im so frustated right now. Im tired of living in a limbo.

4 comments posted: Thursday, December 14th, 2023

Affair Fog

How would you know if your WS is still in the "affair fog"?

As far as I know, WH has NC with the OW since Dday.

4 comments posted: Thursday, December 7th, 2023

Just had my DDay 2!!

Just found out that my WH's affair started OCT 2022 and NOT DEC 2022!!!

This information is a big deal for me and I am so mad!!!!

Not only my WH lied to me but so did the AP when I asked her. (Of course, what did I expect!)

In my heart and mind, I know they are not telling me the truth about the DEC 2022 but since I found it myself, it just hurts!

I am vengeful right now! I am mad! Arghhhh!!!

I want to call them out, both of them! I dont care if it is on facebook or any form of social media! Im just really mad! I felt betrayed again!!

What to do? What to do?

Can someone wake me up from this misery!

13 comments posted: Tuesday, December 5th, 2023

Polygraph Test - What to Ask?

Finally WH agreed to do a polygraph test. I was surprised actually.

He asked me how many questions do I have and I said a lot. I have some questions in my mind but not sure if these are the right questions to ask.

Any advice from anyone who did polygraph test to their WH?

What questions to ask and how should I proceed on this?

Any suggestions/recommendations are much appreciated.

Thank you!

9 comments posted: Tuesday, November 28th, 2023

Whatsapp Deleted Messages w/o Back up (moved to General)

  This Topic has been moved to General

0 comment posted: Monday, November 27th, 2023

Whatsapp Deleted Messages w/o Back up

Is there anyone who knows how to retrieve deleted whatsapp messages with no back up?

2 comments posted: Monday, November 27th, 2023

Contacting Other Betrayed Spouse - Need advice

Originally posted this in General not sure how to move it here so I am just going to copy and paste it..

To the admin, if this is not allowed, feel free to delete my post. Thank you.

This may sound crazy but I've been thinking about it for few days now.
I have the urge to contact the OBS again just to talk about our WSes affair.

Initially (Sep 2023), when I informed him about the affair and gave all the information I had, he mentioned that he wanted to speak to me. He did try to call but couldn't answer at that time because I was attending my 8 month old baby (not really the right time to talk about my WS's affair when I have a fussy/cranky newborn in the background).

I tried to call him back few hours later but he did not pick up as I know for sure he is at work at that time.

I was planning to call him few days/weeks after but to be honest, I am not at my best (mentally and emotionally) during those months as it has been only 2 months post Dday.

I tried to check if he did not block me yet from the FB msgr (only way of communicating) and he did not. I still have him on my list.

What the purpose of it now to contact him?
I feel like we really do need to talk about the details of our WSes as both of our WSes are minimizing and TT their affair. A closure if anything maybe? I dont know.

What do you guys think?
Any thoughts?
Am I crazy to even think about this?
Is it too late already and it doesnt make any sense anymore as it is 4 months post Dday already?

7 comments posted: Friday, November 24th, 2023

Contacting Other Betrayed Spouse - Need advice

This may sound crazy but I've been thinking about it for few days now.
I have the urge to contact the OBS again just to talk about our WSes affair.

Initially (Sep 2023), when I informed him about the affair and gave all the information I had, he mentioned that he wanted to speak to me. He did try to call but couldn't answer at that time because I was attending my 8 month old baby (not really the right time to talk about my WS's affair when I have a fussy/cranky newborn in the background).

I tried to call him back few hours later but he did not pick up as I know for sure he is at work at that time.

I was planning to call him few days/weeks after but to be honest, I am not at my best (mentally and emotionally) during those months as it has been only 2 months post Dday.

I tried to check if he did not block me yet from the FB msgr (only way of communicating) and he did not. I still have him on my list.

What the purpose of it now to contact him?
I feel like we really do need to talk about the details of our WSes as both of our WSes are minimizing and TT their affair. A closure if anything maybe? I dont know.

What do you guys think?
Any thoughts?
Am I crazy to even think about this?
Is it too late already and it doesnt make any sense anymore as it is 4 months post Dday already?

1 comment posted: Thursday, November 23rd, 2023

Understanding 180 - Help please

I know there are lots of posts here regarding the 180 method. But is there a short summary of it somewhere or more on a straight forward explanation?

What is the difference between soft 180 and hard 180?

I did read the simplified 180 but my apologies because my mind is so clouded right now and I couldnt think straight. Its like nothing is processing at the moment and it is overwhelming.

As I mentioned to my previous post, A season is coming up and I dont even know how to handle this (4 months post dday).

I did try to do the 180 from what I understood from the posts here before but I was not consistent (I know, its on me) plus I think because I don't fully understand the whole concept of it? Maybe?

Here's the thing for me as of now, I do care for him and I love him but the love I used to have for him is long gone. TBH, I dont even know what kind of love I have for him right now. I dont know if this is the pain or resentment talking.

Although, we are both trying our best to work things out for our relationship. I just think and feel his effort/s is/are not enough sad to say.

Ugh! Im so lost! 😔 I'm sorry....

8 comments posted: Saturday, November 18th, 2023

Very sad & emotional - A season

4 months post Dday.

1st time dealing with A season. A season is coming up and it will be in December. Of all the months of the year, why does it have to be December?

I just want to talk to someone or atleast vent out regarding this matter. How do I deal with it?

I'm so down and very emotional. I'm trying to keep my shit together but there are just some moments that I needed to let it out and cry and cry and cry and cry.......

December is my daughter's birthday and of course, holiday season/christmas which is a family tradition to celebrate and now when I think about it, I just couldn't bring myself to celebrate and be excited about it like I used to.

I don't even know what the heck I am going to be in the next 6 months. A was 6 months. On top of that, my son is turning 1 yr old in January.

Thinking about it now, it makes me really mad and my blood is boiling!! and yes A started a month before I gave birth to our son. It's just too painful! Excruciating pain!!!!

This is a normal reaction/feeling for us BS, isnt? I am not overreacting or I am not crazy to feel this way.

And here my H was saying that it shouldn't hurt that much because they never had an "official relationship" and they only had a "mutual understanding" of what they are doing!! I was stunned and was speechless!! And when I had the chance to speak, I was like "WTF!!!!!! Do you even know what you are saying? Do you even hear yourself?!"

I walked out.
I have to do it! I do not want to talk or even argue to a person who is sooooo f*cking close-minded or whatever word I can use!!!! I am sooo mad!!! I dont even know who is this person anymore. Its all messed up!!😔

Anyway, I am sorry if my post might be confusing and have a lot of typos. Thank you for reading!!

8 comments posted: Monday, November 6th, 2023

Do you really believe?

Hello SI,

Does anyone here actually believe their WS when they said to you the following after they ended the A and chose to stay with you and ask for forgiveness and a chance?

"I really love you."

"The affair is just temporary. We both know that."

"I tried to stop it already when I felt that our relationship is getting deep."

"The love that I felt on my AP is not the same as the love I have for you. I love you more and I know to myself that I won't leave you and our children."

"Everything I said to her was just empty words. It's out of pity."

As for me, it is BS.
I'm just curious what others might think or how will they react especially if they are choosing to give their relationship another try.

5 comments posted: Wednesday, October 25th, 2023

Acceptance & Moving On..?

Hello..

I just have some questions regarding the length of the affair that your WH or WW had and how did you handle it for the first few months of Dday?

Is there a difference between a 6 month or less EA & PA than to over a year or so of EA & PA?

WH or WW who had 6 months or less of EA & PA, was it easier to move forward and accept it and R?

Or is it just me that whatever the affair was 6 months or 3 years, the pain is still the same?

Anyone who chose to be "positive" in the first few months and forgive their WH or WW and accept that it had happened already and there is nothing the BS can do? Not rugsweeping or anything.

For example, both couple talked about why it happened, had all the affair details, talked about working the relationship and what needs to be changed, set boundaries, and decided not to bring up the affair anymore as much as possible and try to move forward.

Sorry if this post might be confusing.

16 comments posted: Saturday, October 7th, 2023

Is it a sign?

Why the heck that everytime I bring up or talk about the affair details with my H, he gets irritated, annoyed and we always ending up arguing/fighting!!!

He keeps telling me not to bring it up anymore as we already talked about it numerous times and we just keep repeating ourselves over and over and over again?!

He said that he fell with the AP but not really in love with her but they had PA/EA for atleast 6 months. He was saying that it is nothing special and those are all empty words to the AP because the "love" we have/had is way special and different?! what does even mean?

A ended the next day I found out. No connection anymore with the AP since then. Blocked to everything.

Is it just me who cannot get over it? Am I overreacting?
Is it a sign that I should give up to him and let him go?

17 comments posted: Saturday, October 7th, 2023

Three Months Post DDay

Hello....

What is it like and what should I really expect 3 months post Dday?

As for me, still unstable.
I have good days but most of it are bad days.

There are some days I am on the verge of giving up or atleast thinking doing the grey rock method to my H.

He is trying but I dont think it is enough. Most of it if not all are all broken promises/empty words. "Love bombing?"

Does anyone chose to R but did not to any IC or MC? How did you managed it? Was it successful?

My family and friends who are my support keeps me on a positive side (pray, accept, heal, forgive, surrender everything to God and the serenity prayer) which I do really appreciate but we all know it is easier said than done.

Anyone would like to share their story or any advice? Thank you in advance.

12 comments posted: Friday, October 6th, 2023

Trickle Truth

Hello everyone,

Some of you know my story already.
Going to 3 months post DDay.

It was a rollercoaster ride for the past few weeks.

All along, I thought I have all the details about my H's affair. I thought he already told me already. Foolish me I believed him.

Just found out that they had sex more than I thought.

Just found out they went on a day trip together when the affair is going on and I thought he went with his co-workers.

Just found out that he lied to me about where his AP lives.

He even swore on my name and my children's name that he told me everything and yet few days later, I will find all these information. He had so many chances to give me all the details and he still chose to lie.

He was saying that I had too much information "that day" thats why he did not tell me the truth and he said he was scared because he will know how would I react.

I told him that I am done with his lies and will file a divorce. Contacted a lawyer already and had the initial consultation.
However, I didn't know at the time of the call, my daughter (6yo) was in the other room. She heard the conversation and while I am still talking to the lawyer, she went straight up to me and asked me who am I talking to and why I want to "separate" with her Dad.

She started crying and told me that I dont love her dad anymore, that she hates me because I was asking her dad to go away and she was saying that family is love, family doesnt fight, family stays together etc etc.

This breaks my heart.
I have to tell the lawyer that I need to call her back.

I did not expect this from a 6yo kid. I need to calm her down and explain it to her in a kid-friendly manner so she could understand.

Now, I have to re-consider everything. I have to prioritize my children more than myself. I still love my husband and I am willing to give him a chance. I really dont care anymore about the actual affair details, I just want the truth for me to accept, move forward and heal. My problem is his lies. Lies after lies. Trickle truth. He said from the last time we talked, thats all the information and he doesnt have anything to say and he was really sorry that he waited this long to tell me.

Does anyone have similar situation?
Any advice on how to handle and tell your children if their parents are planning to separate?

5 comments posted: Monday, October 2nd, 2023

What are the chances?

Hello everyone,

I just want vent out again and just to share an update on whats going on and maybe just to ask some input and advices and see is there is any similar situation as I have.

As I mentioned into my previous post, found out my husband had an affair 2 months ago. (Affair was 5-6months, emotionally and physically). A ended the next day I found out.

The 1st month right after I found out, I couldnt even describe how horrible I was. Emotions were upside down. Had depression and suicidal thoughts. Lots of arguments and confrontation even though we both want to reconcile. Like we couldnt figure it out what to do.

Fast forward today, we really had the chance to talk one on one, yup!, the very 1st time. And oh boy I can tell you it wasnt easy after all but I am glad we did.

He admitted everything. Like everything. All lay out on the table.

- He said he cared for her and he is developing some feelings to her at that time of the A. and because out of pity as well (because the AP was telling my H how she fell inlove already and she couldnt stop thinking about H and all that shit)

- He said he had fun while they went on a date because he gets to unwind

- He said when they had sex he wasnt really thinking straight and because his body wants to do it he gave in (I dont know if I should believe that though)

- He said i love you, i miss you and all the sweet talk to make her feel better (hmmm? Right? But okay)

- I confronted him about him saying that he said to the AP he could leave me and my children for her but he told me that he just said that because again to make her feel better and all of those were empty words and for him he knew that he couldn't do it

- He knows and he admitted that he made a big mistake and he is willing to do anything to save our relationship and he is willing to improve himself for the better.

- He said it was a mixed of spur of a moment with lust, out of pity, attention and his mind was very clouded and couldnt think straight. Overwhelmed? Work and home and marital issues.

I am not siding him on this one, but him answering all these questions about the affair and not him being irritated and frustated like before is a big step for him to do. He has this toxic trait that he doesnt say what he truly feels so that the person who he is talking to will not get hurt or offended. He rather keep it to himself and will say "okay" even though "it is not okay" but for him on his POV its okay. Does it make sense to you guys? Sorry. I tried. He doesnt know how to really express how he feels I guess? Because trust me when we were talking I have to be so open minded and understanding to truly understand his side properly.

At the end of the conversation, he said that he really regrets what he did and he said he is really sorry. He is asking for a 2nd chance (last chance) to prove himself to be a better husband and father this time.

Now the really question is? Am I willing to give that to him? TBH, I dont know at the moment. I told him let me process and accept everything first which he is okay with it.

I know deep down I do care and love him but I cannot pinpoint or dont know what is the love I have for him.

And because the trust is broken, I dont even know what is the truth or lie on everything he just told me. I can feel his sincerity but I am scared.

Lastly, I did not tell the OBS yet about the A. I have the message I want to send to him but for some reason I couldnt hit that goddamn send button. Ugh!!

Anyone have similar situation?
Any advice? Im so confused.

16 comments posted: Thursday, September 14th, 2023

Into the Darkness 😔

Hello Everyone,

I am new to this forum and I started reading some of the topics already. I am thankful that I found this site.

I wanted to ask for help and some advices during this difficult time as I am broken, in pain, confused and lost.

Two months ago, I found out that my husband cheated/had an affair for about 6 months already. He said that it was mostly texting, however, they went out for 2-3 times and during those time they had a physical intimacy once.

When I found this out, the first thing I wanted to do was to let go and file a divorce but I have to calm myself because I have to think about our children (5y and 8m old).

He wanted to save our relationship and when I thought about it, I wanted it too. I still care for him. I know I love him but I don't know what kind of love is it. Everytime I see him, I see betrayal. Completely different person, a stranger.

My mind is all messed up! One moment I am okay and then all of a sudden I am crying. I know for a fact that I have to process and accept to move forward. But how? I tried individual counselling but that didnt work.
I think the problem is me. It is so hard to let go but I really want to pass through this but I dont know where to start. My husband is trying and is supportive but there is a time that he gets frustated because I keep bringing up his affair.

I do think sometime as well to tell the woman's husband about what she and my husband did but I am not sure if it is the right thing to do. I have some impulsive thoughts to go after with the woman as well and confront her but then again there something in me that I couldnt do it.

Anyone going through this or had any experience similar to mine? 😔
I would really appreciate any help or advice.😭

17 comments posted: Saturday, September 9th, 2023