Advice on long term in house separation
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6 comments posted: Wednesday, February 11th, 2026
Affair No. 2 & Grief
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7 comments posted: Friday, January 2nd, 2026
How did you get over the fear?
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12 comments posted: Monday, August 4th, 2025
The up and down of it all
So sorry, I realised there was too much in that post that would make it obvious who I am if my WS read here, had to delete. Sorry
1 comment posted: Wednesday, July 16th, 2025
Obsession with AP
I'm quite embarrassed about this but I find myself a year and a half out and still completely stuck on this.
For context, my partner had a ONS with a woman in her early twenties while working away. This was at the beginning of 2024.
He's doing the work and all that, things are okay.
However, I have to admit, I have become completely obsessed with the AP. I check her instagram multiple times a day. She's blocked me (I didn't do anything, we spoke for a moment afterwards but I was never mean or anything like that, she just didn't want anything to do with it and didn't want to answer any questions I had) so I use one of those websites where you can view instagram stories for public accounts. I also have a different account that I'm not blocked on to look at her instagram.
I think I've tried to convince myself the reasoning for this is normal and it has changed over the year and a half since dday.
I think at first it was obviously curiosity. Who is the woman that managed to turn my loyal for nearly two decades partner's head all of a sudden? What's so great about her?
Then it just became a habit. I went through a phase where I tried to use her instagram as motivation to get myself in shape (not that I'm overweight or anything). She's a 'gym girl', all into her fitness so she's in good shape. I tried to use it to motivate myself to work out and look after myself but then when I didn't follow through I hated myself for it. Then I went through a phase where I thought, actually she's not all that great? She's attractive but not like out of this world stunning, she's just a normal looking young woman, there's nothing special about her. Then I was starting to pick apart her pictures - that bit looks edited, her make up hasn't been done well, this bit of hair is out of place, she does her lipstick in a weird way and it makes her lips look really dry and awful.
This is probably the most embarrassing side effect of the infidelity I've experienced and I cannot stop.
I've realised it's probably a way to try to control the situation, maybe? Like I look at her instagram and I know she's still in a country thousands of miles away and nowhere physically near me or my WS. But it makes me spiral constantly. One day she posted a video of herself in a hotel lobby, going in the elevator up to a hotel room, and that took me out for a good week, it was triggering as hell (They slept together in his hotel room and I imagined them going up to the room together with her looking like she did in the video, laughing and flirting). If she posts a photo where she looks great, I'll hate myself. If she posts a photo and I can pick something bad about it, I'll feel better, but then hate myself for feeling that way.
Like I said, I check multiple times a day, whenever I think of the infidelity, which is a lot.
Has anyone else had an issue like this?
I don't know if it's related but my dr suspects I have OCD. Could this just be a part of that? Or is it 'normal'?
I really want to stop doing it but feel like I can't for some reason.
I don't want how my days go to be based on how good she might look in her insta stories that day 
It makes me feel ridiculous.
9 comments posted: Monday, June 9th, 2025
Intimacy
How did the infidelity affect how you reacted to intimacy in your relationship if you stayed? And how did you go about getting it back?
My IC has been really trying to get me to just notice how I feel, how I react, how I think, and I’m really trying to pay attention to myself.
I’ve noticed that 18 months on, intimacy is still very triggering. Not always, but most of the time.
My partner is very physically affectionate and I’ve noticed that it is quite sexual the way he does that. Any mention of anything to do with sex, even if he’s not talking about us specifically, my brain spirals and I shut down. Any time he touches me, it’s the same. I would have thought with time and him working on himself, this would get better but if anything it’s worse. I have no sex drive most of the time, I don’t want to be touched.
Then I have the worry that if we lose intimacy completely, he’ll do it again, which I know is silly because I know that’s not why it happened the first time.
I find myself doing it sometimes just because I don’t want to not be doing it if that makes sense? Which again I know is silly.
I find this really hard to talk to him about and I feel a bit stuck on how to get over this.
4 comments posted: Saturday, May 17th, 2025
Counselling Questions
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7 comments posted: Friday, April 18th, 2025
Feel like I’m stuck
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9 comments posted: Monday, March 17th, 2025
Giving myself the day to wallow
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4 comments posted: Tuesday, February 18th, 2025
Almost a year
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8 comments posted: Wednesday, January 15th, 2025
Feel like I'm going insane.
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5 comments posted: Saturday, December 21st, 2024
Another rant. Struggling today.
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8 comments posted: Monday, December 16th, 2024
Decision has been made
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11 comments posted: Friday, December 13th, 2024
How to make the decision
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20 comments posted: Friday, December 6th, 2024
Trial Separation
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6 comments posted: Tuesday, December 3rd, 2024
Just Need to Rant
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12 comments posted: Friday, November 29th, 2024
Confused
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20 comments posted: Friday, November 22nd, 2024
