Still hurting
Hi everyone
I am new to this forum. Thank you for reading. I just feel very alone. My husband I just found out recently was a sex addict and more and more devastation is being uncovered. I just feel like my heart hurts and just don't even know what to do with all these feelings anymore. We have been married for 28 years.
I discovered n emotional affair with an old friend about 13 years ago. He was apologetic and remorseful and promised never to do it again.he had a physical affair with a coworker about 8 years ago and I just found out he had an emotional affair with his first love for abput 10 years. There has been so much. He had 3 more affairs with coworkers but said it was just emotional .... fast forward. They were so much more than emotional, I found out myself . I also found plane tickets. On our 25th year anniversary, we didn't even do anything. I said we should take a trip but he said we didn't have the money. I just recently found out. He did take a trip. 2 trips in fact to an ocean resort with the COW , actually a seperate COW each trip (that I know of)
I always dreamed of going to the ocean.he new this. He took them instead. I am so beyond hurt. We are seperated. No longer living together. I am finishing up school and plan to go back to work and get a divorce.
We tried to reconcile . I am just so panicky and scared after realizing my whole life was a lie, I can't do it. I definitely have betrayal trauma. There really was so much. He also gets mad at me when I want go talk about my pain. We are currently no longer together but he wants to try to "work it out" again. He has been in therapy for about a year and now says he is going to join a group and maybe a 12 step group. I miss who he used to be before all of this, but he is no longer that man anymore.
I really am just so tired of sex addiction, of being a detetective, of the lies, the manipulations, the gaslighting. I guess I just don't understand it. We used to be so happy, I thought. I was so happy. Our family was so happy. Now I feel like I have been transported into another dimension.
I just want to feel ok again. I don't know how to just feel ok anymore.
4 comments posted: Thursday, January 23rd, 2025
