I apparently mean nothing and am only a minor inconvenience.

Please excuse, this is my first actual post. I just found out my husband of 23 years (married for just over 10) has been having an affair with a coworker. He is unaware that I know about the affair (sort of). I don't know the exact time of the start of the affair, but it's probably been in the works for about 6 months and they, as far as I can tell, only started having sex in the last couple months.

According to texts I have found, they are madly in love and can't wait to get married. This is the third affair on his affair partners side, she apparently cheated on her first husband with another work colleague and again with the second. She divorced her first husband and got engaged (unsure if they got married) to the second affair partner. She claims, to my husband, that her fiancé is abusive and somewhere along the way starts having an affair with my husband. She left her fiancé somewhere in all this and claims he is still abusing her, financially, mentally, etc. She also has children, which is another way she claims her ex is using to abuse her. My husband was very adamant about not having kids, so much so I got a hysterectomy. This woman whom I have never met also tells my husband that I am not happy in our marriage, I'm just content and he only feels compelled to take care of me. I just use him for his money.

My husband has always asked me to not work, he makes very good money and he claimed it was unnecessary. I haven't worked in over 14 years. He actively discouraged me from making friends, traveling on my own, and finding even something like part time employment. I don't have anything in my name alone. He always assured me that we will have a great future together and that I just need to wait, wait one more year, just until he gets the next and the next promotion.

I am working with a lawyer right now, also unknown to my husband. I'm so scared, I don't know what's going to happen. My husband has gotten very far because he is very good at manipulating the situation to benefit him. I also don't know what I'm going to do. I haven't worked in so long and the last jobs I had were retail/customer service. I did get a bs degree in the early years of our relationship, but after I graduated he convinced me it was better to not worry about getting a job. I could just stay home and take care of everything there, he would take care of me. He did take care of everything financially. I don't know or can't access all of the financial information. I have access to cards and banking, but I don't have access to any other information, especially his cards. I only know through text messages that he is buying things to furnish the home for his affair partner.

What really just destroys me is how I mean so little to this man, that I am basically a non person anymore. I have basically become nothing. I don't even recognize the person my husband is in these texts. He talks about things that he actively despised or made fun of, while also saying he is excited to be father figure to this woman's children. How much he loves this person and has never felt this way before.

I'm trying really hard not to fall into a pit of despair, but the person I would normally turn to for comfort has decided I'm not worth it anymore. I'm older early 40s and I have no idea what I'm doing, how am I going to get through this. I just wanted to be with my husband, that was what made me happy, our dreams together for our future.

3 comments posted: Wednesday, June 10th, 2026