SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

EvenKeel

I waited for YEARS (and YEARS) until I openly dated due to my children but everyone is different.

That's because you were a conscientious parent. My exWW is not that. The mist from my truck exhaust had not cleared out of the driveway on the day I moved out when she already started sleeping with other men. She was keen to start putting out.

[This message edited by Westway at 11:51 AM, January 21st (Thursday)]

"Phat Assed White Girl".

A MILF is "Mom I'd Like to F*ck".

WestWay, don't forget GILF, that's an important one...

Westway, I think there is a pretty good chance that due to your DD's reaction to her mother, she will completely reject that lifestyle and go out of her way to NOT be like her mother. At the same time, it is still her mom and she will always love her. It may take a while, but I suspect they will make up.

the best way to provide a good role model would be for YOU to find a woman you want to be with and have a solid relationship. Obviously you can't just make that person appear, and from what I remember, you aren't really trying.

I’m so not with the times. These are different and I must be old. My kids would say that I can’t use these words due to being a mom.

One thing you might consider is the impact your XWW's behavior may have on your daughter's perception of race. She already has racist role models in your in-laws. She may associate black men with the breakup of her family and develop a universal prejudice against them. Alternately, she may worry that if she dates any black man, even a stand-up guy, people will say she's just like her mother. It would be especially painful for her to imagine that you would view her that way or be triggered by her choice of partner.

It sounds like she is disgusted by your wife and wants to be nothing like her, and without guidance and balance, there's potential for her to radicalize that impulse in the opposite direction.

Tigersrule77

Westway, I think there is a pretty good chance that due to your DD's reaction to her mother, she will completely reject that lifestyle and go out of her way to NOT be like her mother. At the same time, it is still her mom and she will always love her. It may take a while, but I suspect they will make up.

the best way to provide a good role model would be for YOU to find a woman you want to be with and have a solid relationship. Obviously you can't just make that person appear, and from what I remember, you aren't really trying.

Thank you, and that's solid advice. I do hope that one day I will meet a decent woman, but I fear it will be too late. My daughter will be 18 in a couple years and I doubt I will find that good woman that quickly. I have not been dating since the lockdown and I'm not keen on starting back up.

BraveSirRobin

One thing you might consider is the impact your XWW's behavior may have on your daughter's perception of race. She already has racist role models in your in-laws. She may associate black men with the breakup of her family and develop a universal prejudice against them.

Well luckily one of my best friends is a black guy. He's over at my place quite often watching sports with me, and my daughter refers to him affectionately as "Uncle Barry", and has done so her whole life. Barry was the guy I leaned on for support when I found out about my exWW's other life. He is a stand-up, honest, hard working and legitimately good man; and is the exact opposite of the scrubs my exWW sleazes around with. So I don't think my daughter is going to go down that path. She only knows there are good people, and then there are assholes. That is the way I raised her.

Alternately, she may worry that if she dates any black man, even a stand-up guy, people will say she's just like her mother. It would be especially painful for her to imagine that you would view her that way or be triggered by her choice of partner.

Well I have talked to her about that. I told her she could date any race of boy that she wants, but that the only thing that would disappoint me is if she cheats on him or abuses him. If she marries a black kid, and then turns around and cheats on him with a white guy, I would take my son-in-laws' side.

It sounds like she is disgusted by your wife and wants to be nothing like her, and without guidance and balance, there's potential for her to radicalize that impulse in the opposite direction.

That is true in many cases, but I like to think my daughter is more discerning than that. My daughter understands that it is her mom who has the problem. The men her mom is sleeping with are just doing what men do when offered the chance. I have explained this to her thoroughly and she understands that all of this is her mothers' doing, just like it was her mother's choice to destroy our family.

And I should say that not all the men my exWW plays around with are black; they are just the majority. She is open to all comers as long as they are young, willing and tell her she's pretty.

[This message edited by Westway at 3:02 PM, January 29th (Friday)]

It sounds like you have it covered, then. I'm not sure if I'm imagining it, but it feels like maybe you thought I was accusing you of racism? I wasn't. I just meant that your daughter will be feeling protective of herself and maybe protective of you, and certainly protective of her relationship with the only parent she can rely on. That's a scary place for a kid to be. I think you've been doing a great job in a very challenging situation, and I'm glad this was already on your radar.

Westway FWIW my grandmother was very beautiful and a serial cheater. My dad is a stand up guy who never cheated. Married 60+ years to my mom.

He saw the chaos his mother created and was determined never to be like that. And he wasn’t.

I’m sure your influence over your daughters will have a strong impact.

I’m sorry your X doesn’t get it.