SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So, I am more than six years out from D-day and my divorce.

This new life has been interesting, not great yet, but not horrible.

I gave my whore fucking ex-husband a chance or two at reconciliation, but he kept lying so I shut the door on that. We were together 20 years, but had no children together. Haven’t had any contact with him in many years.

I have ZERO desire to ever see that asshole again, but why do I see him in my dreams so often? Always pretty much the same dream, he is with some whore and laughing at me and/or telling me he never loved me. I wake up feeling that familiar pain that I felt all those years ago. It usually ruins a few hours of my next day.

I’m guessing the reason I’m having these dreams so often is that my unconscious dream brain is still trying to figure out what the fuck really happened during those 20 years of my life. Mentally, I know I’ll never know the details and I have no desire to know at this point, but how do I stop these flippin’ annoying dreams????

Five years out and still having dreams. It’s either him or someone else betraying me. Coincidence? I don’t think so!

Funnily enough I was reading an article today about dreams. The theory is that dreams have a very distinct biological function in making us understand ourselves, and the world, in a way that the conscious mind would not. We can’t inject random noise into our brains while we’re awake, because we need to concentrate on the tasks at hand. But sleep is a different matter. We are in free fall. No filters or rationalisations, all our deepest fears, traumas, insecurities coming out to play.

It really resonated with me. That, although we are able to overcome most things in life, they all leave a residue which we are stuck with forever. Dreams are there to remind us that we truly are the sum of everything that has happened to us. And infidelity is a big defining moment as we all know.

I'm 13 years out and he still pops in from time to time. I'm usually yelling at him to GTFO. My subconscious mind is totally on board with that.

After my first divorce it seemed like I had nightmares for decades. Not every night, and a lot of them were minor. They were usually dreams about doing things with her, which sort of stung when I woke up because I had moved on from her. After a while I just sort of learned to live with it, just put the thoughts out of your head and concentrate on the present. Easier said than done, but the main thing is to just take an attitude that it's a minor thing and not something to stress over.

Try looking up lucid dreaming techniques. I think it allows you to play an active rather than passive role in your dreams, thus taking back control. Might help.

Try looking up lucid dreaming techniques

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I’ve attempted lucid dreaming. Haven’t achieved it yet. I’ll tell you what though, when I do, there will be one dead ex-husband and a lot of dead prostitutes in my wake.

I’ve attempted lucid dreaming. Haven’t achieved it yet. I’ll tell you what though, when I do, there will be one dead ex-husband and a lot of dead prostitutes in my wake.

I have random dreams as well.I usually find a connection between incidents happening in real life before falling asleep that leads to it I get triggered pretty easily.For me it's a form of CPTSD.Like on the anniversary of something I will dream involving either an action my XWH did and my husband is doing it in the dream instead of him or I will dream of him directly doing something shitty.Or an object will trigger it.Like I saw a guy wearing a necklace similar to the one my ex wore when he was cheating.I dreamed that night my now husband was wearing that necklace and became violent towards me and.kicked me and my daughter out in the middle of winter.I also dreamed while I was engaged to my husband now that he walked in the kitchen with another girl on his arm who was much younger saying how much he loves her and "It's not a big deal.Aren't you happy for me?"I kept repeating over and over "No!I'm your wife!" The tip off was we were just engaged and the girl in the dream resembled the one my now XWH was seeing while we were together that he is now married to.His attitude then was the same in the dream I had.Like he literally kept telling me to get over it.

I had a dream the other night that OW and I ran into each other. She and OBS live close by and even though it has never happened, it could.

In the dream I started asking her questions. I wasnt sad, anxious, or scared I felt strong and powerful.....and she sang like a canary.

My take away from that dream is that if i ever run into her, I'll face her head on without anxiety or fear.