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So my ass ex is going out of town for 2 weeks. He had my son ask me if he can leave his car in my driveway during that time. Now, I want to say absolutely not. Mainly cause I owe him zip zero nothing!!! He can leave it at one of his precious friend’s house. Or maybe at his married girlfriend’s house. The person he had an affair with and moved over an hour away from his kids for. Oh wait…she dropped him like a bad habit after the divorce. Oops!

Then there is the part of me who knows my teen son wont understand why I wont let this happen. He never vocalizes his feelings about the divorce. But lately he has been showing frustration saying he is sick of his parents not getting along and putting him in the middle of things. So then I think, do I let him for my sons benefit. To show I can be an adult about this even though I 100% dont need to do this. This pissed me off that he has the nerve to ask me this. Like we are friends! And how about asking me yourself…you coward!!!

Any suggestions on how to allow this to happen but in a way that doesnt allow him to think he is getting away with something? Like he always has!

Tell your son you will speak directly to his dad. Then tell his dad no.

You owe him nothing.

And this has nothing to do with your son, whether you think so or not. Your decision about this does not affect your son in any way.

If he puts it in your driveway anyway, have it towed at owner's expense.

ETA:. There will come a time when things like this do not upset you so much. Obviously you are not there yet, and that's okay. Continue to detach from him. It's a process. Eventually you will have no emotion when you deal with him. It's a beautiful thing.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 1:53 PM, July 17th (Saturday)]

Do NOT allow this! What will you do if he claims you damaged his car? What if he files a false police report?

Do NOT allow him to manipulate you (because he IS manipulating you.)

You're divorcing him. You don't need to show your son anything. Tell your son you will handle it and then email your ex and tell him to NOT put your son in the middle ever again. HE is causing drama. Do not engage. At all.

(I would tell son that you will talk to his father and that you're not discussing adult matters with him(your son) and then, do absolutely NOTHING. Do not call EX. Do not message. Do nothing. He gets no response because he asked you NOTHING. Then, Do not answer his calls, texts, or emails. Problem solved!) If he leaves it, have it towed!

[This message edited by ArkLaMiss at 2:09 PM, July 17th (Saturday)]

lately he has been showing frustration saying he is sick of his parents not getting along and putting him in the middle of things.

Your teenage son is expressing his feelings right here ^^^. He doesn't want to be put in the middle (and I don't blame him one bit). Act on this on his behalf. Tell your son, calmly, that he does not need to be in the middle and you will deal with the matter directly with his father. Further, if his father ever tries to make your son the go-between again, your son has every right to establish his own boundaries by telling dad he needs to talk/ask you about whatever directly as he does not want to play middleman. This is also a good life lesson for him to establish boundaries in general.

I would not let the car be parked there for liability reasons. Also, tell your douchcanoe ex to stop putting son in the middle as it is making him uncomfortable. Ex needs to communicate with you directly.

Good luck!

I forgot to mention my son just got his license so part of his manipulation is to tell my son if he can leave his car there then my son can use it the two weeks!! So now if I say no I am the bad guy for more than one reason! He is such a manipulative ass!

Yep, that's pretty manipulative. Put it all on you. All of the advice above still stands, however. Let your son drive the car when his dad is in town. Let's see how generous he is then.

You don't need to explain to your son. Just tell him it's not a good idea, for a lot of reasons, and that you love him and have his best interests at heart.

ETA: And holy liability Batman. Can you imagine if your son wrecks the car while Dad is out of town? To say nothing of if he is injured God forbid. Nope, just nope. Your ex will throw you under the bus quicker than you can say "manipulative prick."

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 5:55 PM, July 17th (Saturday)]

Keep your boundaries in place.

No on the vehicle at your place. (your home is your safe haven, don’t need a reminder of your x in your safe place).

No on your son driving his Dads car unless his Dad is in town.

(The audacity of these people )

Your xh wants a conversation-don’t give him one.

I would probably tell my son that we can’t control what Dad says, does, requests, etc. We can only control our own actions. Just tell him you’ll speak to his Dad directly. Email his Dad that leaving his car at your home while he’s away is a No”, then, put cc: your attys name, so he thinks your forwarding to your atty.

Echoing the above -

- tell your son you will speak to dad directly

- tell your X - IN WRITING - that it is absolutely inappropriate for him to carry messages between the two of you via your child (I'd be surprised if your decree / parenting plan doesn't already say that). Then tell him you are not ok with him leaving his car at your home. And that you will tell your son that your X has made other arrangements for his car (no further explanation is necessary vis-a-vis your child), and if your X decides to interject your adult issues with your child, he's engaging in parental alienation (a phrase that usually gets a "co-parent's" attention).

As to the ex telling the son he can use the car IF you let it be at your house? I'd prolly go pretty balistic about that. Talk about undermining the co-parenting! I can see a ton of potential arguments with your son about when/where/how he's using that car.

It sucks to be the "bad" guy in the eyes of our kids - and esp at that age.

However, today's boundaries are cornerstones for supporting those kids as they turn into tomorrow's responsible adults.

I would not let the car be parked there for liability reasons.

Every nice thing I did for my wh after when he was cheating did not go well for me. I have come to the point in my life where I absolutely do not do favors for liars (and especially liars who put my life at risk of STDs and trauma). Nope de nopedy no.

Your mileage may vary but no unrepentant cheater is parking their car in my driveway. I won't be alone with him or trust him ever again.

It's harder when you have minor children. I am really sorry you are going through this.