SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just found out a week ago WS lies just continued. I am just so confused and numb. He wants to continue R, I am just numb.

Well too bad for him. His lies have now made the R false and restarted your recovery clock. Any continued lies after that will only sour the chance of R.

Sorry that he continues to set you back. Please take the time to step away from him and take care of yourself. Use it as a chance to contemplate what you want from this marriage.

He wants R with secrets, not going to happen. He’s still in a wayward mindset. Detach from him and take care of yourself.

So he wants to Reconcile so he can continue to lie to you.

Of course he does!😡. It works for him.

The confusion is that you trusted and believed him. So you don’t understand his behavior or choices.

But now that you don’t trust or believe him, your life will improve b/c you won’t waste time and energy on trying "to understand" him.

You will just accept he’s a liar. A chronic liar.

I’m sorry for you. I don’t see much to R with here.

Continue R? R hasn't even started yet

So sorry. Please take care of yourself and do what you need. This is so tough.

I'm trying to represent this accurately as a way to hold up a mirror for clarity, so please forgive me if I get some of it wrong.

Before discovery, you saw your H's character as solid and unquestionable.
You found out about his betrayals, and he confessed all before you went to counseling. He seemed remorseful and you forgave him. You believed you were in R, but often struggled with unresolved anger toward him.

Now you know the lies have continued.

Take a big step back. Create some emotional (and perhaps also physical) distance.

Have you been in R, or was it some rugsweeping masquerading as R?

Has he been committed to getting out of deceit and gaslighting?

If the lies have continued, is he really remorseful?

Create distance and give yourself room to take care of yourself and rethink everything.

I’m so sorry. I agree with others that it’s time to step back and reevaluate.

You might find it helpful to share a bit more, and you might get better informed advice a d more responses that way. If you don’t want to, just know that many of us here feel your pain.

I read this in a thread last week, and I forget who deserves credit for saying it, but I believe it wholeheartedly:

"The best thing you can do when someone continues lying is to stop listening!"

I agree that you can't "continue" R because it never started. How many more years are you willing to be lied to?

Who cares what he wants. What do you want?

More secrets are surfacing. I am numb. The last 16 months of R was a novel idea? A test run? What do you do when you discover your WS is Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde? This just hurts so much.

So sorry Justnonna, a kick in the guts after a car wreck is painful. WW's are quick to give you the easy truth, no details, thinking the sharing will cause more anger in reality it just causes more questions.

False R is debilitating, my WH and I after finding out about the ONE PA he had, announced loudly to our therapist and I that "he can't understand why I think there's more than the ONE other woman"!

We're a few months in, negotiating a new life, proper transparency, no secrets and it just stuck with me the additional things I had found. He dismissed it all. ALL the good people here told me over and over how masterful his cheating was and I should ask for a polygraph.

Week 7 of R, I couldn't take the not knowing what else I was missing or didn't know. Demanded a polygraph, appointment was set, the night before I noticed his demeanor was stressed, lots of pacing around, trips to the bathroom (stomach must've been upset) quick to anger etc.

That's when the flood gates opened, first the ONE I knew about turned into 2, then 5 then 8, then 13 that he "thought" he could remember.(Guess what--EVERYONE SAID IT WOULD HAPPEN)

I was floored, literally laying in a puddle of my own tears curled up in a ball begging for it to all just stop.

I made him right it all out, names, years, whatever, I backtracked some (very nicely) even made a few facebook friends..lol got the correct story WAY after R had begun falsely.

Make your demands, have him write it out and even go have your WH polygraph that the paper he's holding is accurate if you have to. You deserve more.

[This message edited by Crazytrain101 at 10:18 PM, Tuesday, September 20th]