This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 12:02 AM on Friday, August 30th, 2024
I really like "How can I forgive you" by Janice Spring.
"After the Affair" is a mixed bag and gives in to some blameshifting. I have a zero tolerance policy for blameshifting. So long as you understand the limitations of any book, and that at the end of the day, the acceptability of behavior and understanding lies with you and not any book you read, there are good lessons to be learned from the book. The blameshifting in it is bad enough that I consider the book a non-starter for newly betrayed spouses and in my opinion the book cannot really form the backbone of any R.
Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 1:16 PM on Friday, August 30th, 2024
There are cases when a BS will regret "trying everything" before filing for divorce, such as getting an STD from their WS, their WS digging them into a financial hole, WS getting pregnant by or impregnating an AP, the cumulative damage of ongoing traumatic stress, the time and emotional energy that should be going to children spent on trying to reform an unremorseful spouse….
So while I get that many BSs— myself included— feel like they need to exhaust all avenues of Reconciliation before they pull the plug, it’s irresponsible to claim that there is no cost to the BS and no risk involved in that approach.
[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 1:17 PM, Friday, August 30th]
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
