SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You have the choice every day to stay or go.

Funny, the things you listed was like a check list for me, yep, yep, yep.

I stayed in limbo for two years, I couldn’t decide.

Change your thinking and ask yourself is she the kind of person or the person that you want to be waking up beside in 10 years?

Never mind others, do you like her? How do you feel when you are with her. Do you like her?

When I truly got to these questions. I already knew my answer was no.

I made the right decision

Do not let anyone decide for you.

And as for your old flame, they are irrelevant in this decision. It is all about you, no one else. No dreaming for a better time. This person you actually don’t know.

Sum of your situation:

The 1st Wife:
I am going to be blunt.

Your wife is not a nice person.

I think (for me) the comment about your father "dying faster" was the most uncaring, cold, mean thing someone could say.

She’s not able to have feelings like you expect or need. Period. In a nutshell.

Maybe she has no filter. But the idea she told you about a birthday party for you and then didn’t follow through "because she was too busy" is selfish behavior. She could have made dinner reservations and invited a few friends to attend. Not hard - takes no more than an hour to execute.

Not sure why you want to stay with someone who makes you unhappy.

This sounds like a textbook example of the abuse cycle. You're only 40? I was 55 when I extricated myself from a similar marriage (but with the extra sauce of a raging sex addiction). It took awhile to crawl from the wreckage but I somehow found who I used to be and I gotta tell ya, she is awesome!

I wasted 22 of my prime years on someone who didn't value me so I totally get the agonizing choices around the sunk cost fallacy.

I hope you do manage to crawl from this wreckage and find the awesome person you are and what he deserves.

Recommend staying away from relationships until you sort all that out. I'm 71 now and still single. Can honestly say I love my life now and that idiot who abused me can pound sand.

The best thing you can do is find your anger and get out of this mess with your pretty abuser.