SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Basically, he cheated three times over two years. We would have miscommunications. I would try to repair the relationship, even when he was more in the wrong. But he would see it as a free pass to see the same person: his old friends-with-benefits (as he called her).

The last time he cheated was just two days after I saw him, and after I told him I was not in the mood to have sex that night because he was treating me poorly. So after that, it felt like I could not even say no to having sex because he would cheat on me "as punishment" or as a consequence.

I had a feeling he was cheating each time, but when asked he would lie or change the topic.

The truth eventually all came out, which is why I now know. When I asked him why he did this he said it was because he was on drugs. He does struggle with addiction and other mental health issues. But it does not take away the huge pain and betrayal. The person he cheated with was also a user and maybe an enabler for his addiction.

It just does not make sense to me: this person he cheated on was objectively less attractive than me (she did not take care of herself because of the addiction). She was a mean person and abused him and mistreated him (from what he told me). She cheated on him and stole things from him (from what he told me). She was not someone to commit to for the long-term, let's say.

Another thing I later found out, was that this man was cheated on in the past. And it was something which really hurt him. So then, I do not understand why he would now do that to me? If he knew how much it hurts?

I just feel so deeply hurt and so betrayed. Honestly, it's hard to wakeup in the morning because I feel this deep pain, this darkness, this hopelessness, this heaviness in my body. I feel so worthless and low because of how he cheated on me. And mind you, I never really felt this way before...

It's really hard and I was wondering if anyone had advice for coping with the pain and getting up in the morning?

Oh and the man was also a madhatter. When he was cheated on in the past, he then cheated on the person. I did not ask why but I kind of wish I did.

And it really hurts because he does not seem to be affected. He never showed me any remorse for his cheating: he would just make excuses. And then now he seems to be trying to improve his life. I am not sure if it's to be a better person for our relationship or what. It's just really painful.

Welcome to SI and sorry you're here. In the JFO (Just Found Out) forum there are some posts pinned to the top that we encourage new members to read, as well as some others with bull's eye icons. The Healing Library is at the top of the page and has a lot of great information.

If you're having trouble with depression or sleeping, ask your doctor for some meds. It would probably be a good idea to be tested for STDs/STIs. We have some members who contracted something from their WS (wayward spouse) and it turned into cancer.

It sounds like he's a serial cheater, and they rarely will do the work to become a safe partner. Add in addiction, and it's a very poor combination. And what is he, 2? You won't have sex with me so I'll go cheat on you? That's is very selfish and self-centered.

If you can, IC (individual counseling) with a betrayal trauma specialist can be helpful. Infidelity pain is the worst.

As for looks, look at all the gorgeous stars who have been cheated on. Adam Levine cheated on his wife who was a Victoria's Secret underwear model.

It isn't anything you did or didn't do, said or didn't say - the decision to cheat was 100% his choice.

Life is short.

When you get up tomorrow morning, pack up and leave.

His problem isn't cheating, if he's telling the truth. It's drugs. If that reading is correct, he won't cheat if he stops the drugs. What, if anything, has he done to stop the drugs?

How long have you been together? Were there good years? Or was it a 2 year relationship during which he cheated at least 3 times?

Not every addict or alcoholic cheats.

It’s an excuse. Even without the drugs he might still cheat.

His cheating has almost nothing to do with you but everything to do with him. Something in his DNA or something is telling him it’s ok to cheat. No remorse. No guilt. No desire to apologize or stop cheating.

You deserve better.