SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Time is a crazy thing... as it passes we acknowledge that it's gone in the past, yet we still await it's continuation in the coming future.

It's 6 years out from my first DDay.

6 years to the day was when my world was destroyed.

I've been great all things considered.

WE'VE been great every way you slice it.

I'm not going dark nearly as often as I was, and I'm at a job that, for the first time since the first DDay, I'm doing well by.

6 years ago I didn't think we would ever get to this point.

6 years ago today was when I first contemplated leaving her.

I'm glad that I didn't.

To all of you newbies, please remember that the night is always darkest before dawn. It may feel like it'll never get better... that your WS is in la-la-land, or your BS is miserable and flat lining- I'm here to tell you that it's not the case. If you put in the time and effort, true R can be accomplished.

Trickle truth was the worst part for me. Every time new information came out i got another punch in the gut, and trickle truth lasted an entire year.

Honestly, I'm not sure how we got past that part... but I'm glad we did.

We're told it takes 2-5 years from the final discovery for healing to truly take place. I'd say that's mostly accurate.

Edited for spelling

[This message edited by SaddestDad at 5:44 PM, Tuesday, February 4th]

That is great news! I am happy that your name no longer fits. I am a few years further out, but it can and does get better.

Key for me was my W making amends to me. Mostly honesty and transparency. A few things that stay between us too.

Not sure how you survived trickle truth. Did your W explain to you her why and that issue will no longer be a concern to her continued emotional and physical fidelity?

Did your wife ever see a neurologist about her memory loss and blackouts? What was the resolution to that issue and what made you confident they wouldn't happen again?

If you put in the time and effort, true R can be accomplished.

Caveat: Reconciliation requires time and effort from both partners. And even if reconciliation doesn't happen, despite good faith efforts, it doesn't make you a failure.

What were some of the things that were done to reach a point of forgiveness or feeling like you could move past this. I am the unfaithful one and it has been 5 years since d-day for us. There were also trickle truths but my spouse feels as though I am not putting in enough work for us to heal.

BluerThanBlue - she didn't see a neurologist, as the memory blocking was only in relation to the affairs (and some possible CSA that hasn't yet been discovered).

The affairs happened because they were ongoing from the past prior to my time as well as the fact that she didn't love me at the time. Those variables no longer play a part. After all of the work she's done and continues to do, im confident that she's now a safe partner.

I agree 1000% with your caveat - it takes 100% effort from BOTH parties involved 100% of the time.

Jassan, I wish I could tell you it was one or two specific things that made me feel safe, but it was really every bit of effort as a whole bigger picture.
There was a lot of communication. That was the most important thing - opening and maintaining the lines of communication. Now nothing is considered verboten or off the table without a proper discussion.

Great news, SaddestDad!

SaddestDad….I’m coming up on 6 yrs at the end of this month. IF both parties are willing to put in the massive effort, both parties get to reap the rewards. I’m very grateful for where we are today. Congratulations to you both.

Thank you for sharing! I’m happy for you and this is news I need to hear right now. 2-1/2 years out and still questioning whether R was the right choice for me!
Thanks again!

Positive stories like this make me feel good. I'm just about at the 4 year mark but sadly for me, my WW has not, nor does she want to put in the work. I think she has extreme difficulty in coping with the pain and unfortunately, I can't wait around for ever for her to get her act together. I just want to be happy.