TripDownMemoryLane (original poster new member #84228) posted at 4:44 PM on Sunday, April 19th, 2026
I don’t even know which section this belongs in, so putting it in general.
We have two little kids (2 and 5). They are difficult and sleep badly and sleep with us a lot. Our sex life is pretty much non existent. I’m pretty sure he isn’t attracted to me anymore, though if I ask he says he is. He hasn’t initiated sex in a long long time. It makes me sad. In all other ways he’s amazing, he does lots of little things for me daily. In the past I discovered he was messaging other women. He’s promised he changed. We went to therapy together, I had individual therapy too, she told me he’s doing so much and he had a difficult childhood and basically I need to be patient with him. I want to work on the trust. I feel I don’t trust him.
Fast forward to today and I used our family computer to buy a friend a birthday present and the magnifying glass with the name of chat room appeared when I started typing. I’m crushed. I have no idea how old this is, it looks like he searched for it. I haven’t asked my husband yet. I feel I’m going to get the same shit of him being defensive and denying it until I say something like ‘if you tell me the truth, there’s a chance we can work through this’. I haven’t processed any of this yet. Spent the day with some friends of ours. I think he can tell something is up. I don’t even know where to start with unpacking all this. The idea of leaving is scary. The idea of staying is scary. We have a mortgage. Shared finances. 2 kids. I live in Spain and in his town, his mum helps with childcare. I don’t know what I’m looking for but I need to just put this somewhere and tell someone.
BackfromtheStorm ( member #86900) posted at 9:55 PM on Sunday, April 19th, 2026
Connection happens between emotional and physical intimacy.
If your partner is not initiating with you but with other women, then your intuition is telling you what is going on.
He is not perfect, he is making it transactional, people pleasing you with small things and directing the energy you need in your relationship outside.
And he is lying to you when you ask.
Don’t allow to be gaslit and don’t keep your emotions compressed.
You will be heard here, you can share and that alone should already help you to gain clarity and reclaim your agency, but you will also find suggestions and support
[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 9:55 PM, Sunday, April 19th]
You are welcome to send me a PM if you think I can help you. I respond when I can.
