Letmebefrank ( member #86994) posted at 11:05 PM on Saturday, September 5th, 2026
Kole,
I’m sorry your kids have to be put through this. It’s very hard, but it sounds like you’re handling it the best you can.
There are a few things I think you should consider doing:
1) get tested for STDs.
2) find out if the AP is married. If yes, then you should inform her. It’s the right thing to do - she deserves to know that her husband cheated on her, the same way you deserved to know the truth.
3) are you sure the affair is over? It sounds like it, but if it’s not, that could factor into what you tell your children. I think they might feel badly used if they are allowed to meet mommy’s new friend, and he acts all friendly and gives them presents etc. only to find out later that he was the reason their family was torn apart.
Kole1927 (original poster new member #87732) posted at 9:10 AM on Sunday, September 6th, 2026
Yes, I've found out that I have HPV in my throat, guess how I got it. Yes I comsidered to find their wives and tell them, I agree they deserve to know but I think they are the ones that should tell their wives not me. I am focused now on my kids and myself and honestly I dont care about my soon to be ex wife at all. Karma has no menu, you get served what you deserve
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:29 PM on Sunday, September 6th, 2026
HPV can be deadly in women. It gave me cervical cancer and I lost my ability to have children but thankfully that was the worst of it for me.
Please tell the OBS. Then walk away. That’s all you have to do. They are innocent in this and will also be affected, possibly in a worse way.
And then go about rebuilding your new beginning and living your best life. Keep putting you and your kids first.
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
annb ( member #22386) posted at 9:21 PM on Sunday, September 6th, 2026
HPV can be deadly in women. It gave me cervical cancer and I lost my ability to have children but thankfully that was the worst of it for me.
Please tell the OBS. Then walk away. That’s all you have to do. They are innocent in this and will also be affected, possibly in a worse way.
And then go about rebuilding your new beginning and living your best life. Keep putting you and your kids first.
This^^^^ X10
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 12:05 PM on Monday, September 7th, 2026
Take heart. In many ways the tough part is over, and what’s left is only implementation.
The tough part is reaching the decision to divorce, to realize it’s inevitability, to express it to your partner and then make it "official" by sharing with the kids.
What’s left is also tough, but be assured that the further along you get, the easier it will be. Not "easy" easy – but less tough easy. And eventually it will have an ending.
I want to encourage you to be as goal-oriented as possible.
Your attorney will give you a realistic expectation of what this will look like, Definitely do your own research but I suggest you accept his professional opinion at face-value.
There seem to be two contradicting themes when posters talk about divorce on this site: Male posters like you will complain that D is sided towards women, and that you lose all your stuff. This is contradicted by female posters who wail about how the man get’s everything and leaves then destitute. Personally I think D is generally fair, and it’s up to you to lose what you are entitled to. Neither you nor her get to determine what is "fair". It’s defined by the laws and regulations in your area. The sooner you understand this and work within those boundaries the sooner you get out of your situation.
The kids? People worry about spending less time with them. Yes – in many ways that’s inevitable if they are spending every second week with mom. But change your mindset to quality of time versus time. Work as much as you can the weeks you don’t have them. Do things like mow the lawn and clean the bathrooms before they come. Have your shopping done for the week. Basically organize things so you can be there when they leave for school, and you are there when they come back home.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
Kole1927 (original poster new member #87732) posted at 12:23 PM on Monday, September 7th, 2026
Ok so I gave her a contract that says we share time with kids and their expenses 50:50, I honestly dont know what is more fair than that. I asked her to read it and consult with her whoever and tell me if she wants something to add, or remove or anything so we can discuss it and finally do the paperwork. I said I am leaving her car and everything we got together through this years, but she doesnt know how ro handle money and she wants to maintain her lifestyle so thats why she is trying to get money through alimony cause thats easier for her but I wont allow that to happen. As I said before I want my kids to have a mother and I think it is fair that we share equall time with them, Im not asking her any money or services but also aint giving her anything cause after all she did behind my back which cause destruction of our family she is entitled ti jack s*it. Youngest one is handling this quite good and is looking forward to seeing my new apartment and is talking quite a lot about future(9 years old). Older ones are problem, they are keeping it inside them and I talked with them and told them that I know this is fresh and new for them but this is not a bad thing and promised them that they will be happy. Told them that I am always here for them, that I dont have s taboo topics and there are no stupid questions, if I cant help them with talk I can offer them professional help through psychologist and explained them thats a good thing to talk with someone and not to hold emotions inside you cause that will eat you up inside
