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Just found out that my WH's affair started OCT 2022 and NOT DEC 2022!!!

This information is a big deal for me and I am so mad!!!!

Not only my WH lied to me but so did the AP when I asked her. (Of course, what did I expect!)

In my heart and mind, I know they are not telling me the truth about the DEC 2022 but since I found it myself, it just hurts!

I am vengeful right now! I am mad! Arghhhh!!!

I want to call them out, both of them! I dont care if it is on facebook or any form of social media! Im just really mad! I felt betrayed again!!

What to do? What to do?

Can someone wake me up from this misery!

[This message edited by KiboGaAru at 12:05 AM, Monday, December 4th]

Well, that makes it very clear he contacted her after dday,and he conspired with her to lie to you.

Makes you all warm and fuzzy, that the two of them are teamed up against you.

He also said he'd take a polygraph. Save your money. He's still lying.

Hard 180. Maybe he needs to leave the house for awhile.

As angry as you are, don’t blast on social media. Many WS lie and minimize — mine did the same, except he lied about more like 8 months or so. It’s why we so often advise BS to expect that they have not heard the full truth. This is just so common, and super damaging. Many of us have said that the A is not what killed the M— it was the lies after DDAY.

I agree that you need to do a hard 180 and focus all your energy on you.
Are you in IC? Have you spoken to a lawyer just to understand what D might look like?

I am so sorry you learned more. Sending you virtual (((Hugs))).

So sorry, KiboGaAru. When you've asked for truthfulness and transparency, only to find out that there are more lies is so hurtful. You have been betrayed, and it hurts. Be cautious about posting anything on SM, because it can get you in trouble.

Hellfire:

Thanks for your message. Yes, doing the hard 180 now.

[This message edited by KiboGaAru at 10:10 AM, Monday, December 4th]

BearlyBreathing:

Thanks. Needed that hug. I agree with you. Its the lies after lies and he couldn't understand that.

Yes, I do IC, however, looking for a new one as the first two doesn't help/fit with me.

As for the lawyer, I did inquire and it will be a straight forward process as we do not own a house. I have the papers ready just in case.

Leafields:
Thank you for your message. Yes, its true. It does really hurt -- VERY!
Ill try my best to calm down myself and not post anything on SM. Thank you.

The affair probably started much earlier than that, Kibo.

Whatever you do, stay off social media. Do not do anything that would jeopardize your relationship with or potential custody of your kids (many judges don't look kindly at parents bashing each other online). Also, your private pain is not entertainment for people who are bored at the office.

You may be very angry, please don't broadcast it on social media. Please don't act on the spur of the moment, only for you to regret your actions later. Remember the internet doesn't forget anything.

[This message edited by Shatteredvow at 8:24 PM, Monday, December 4th]

I am so very sorry that you are going through this. You have every right to be angry and your anger is justified. From my own experience I know that feeling of anger so well. I also wanted to call my ex out on social media, to his family and everyone. I wanted to write ‘cheater’ on his car in red lipstick. I wanted to send the OW messages venting my anger. I was raging and in the shock it was hard to think clearly. It was hard to know what to do.

I refrained from doing all of the above and now I’m so grateful that I did. You are in a vulnerable place and you don’t want to add the stress of social media to the mix. You have enough to deal with right now.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things contacting a lawyer etc. I know it’s so so hard but if you can focus on the things you can control.

Going through something like this is so traumatic. It’s unjust and downright unfair. But I believe karma comes around. They can’t be happy people to carry on as they have. Living a life of lying and deceit. It says a lot about them.

Know that we are here for you. Sending a hug.

Fully agree on the social media question. I did it, wow was that a dumb choice. I posted a lot of pictures of flowers and asked everyone to pray for my family. Everyone called my friends and parents for weeks asking what was wrong. It was a great look.

Anyway…nuff said.

I am so sorry about your news. My WH’s affair also shifted back from December, in my case to mid-September. That shift essentially changed my everything. Completely changed the nature and scale of what I was dealing with. It was horrifying.

I wish you didn’t have to feel this way. I wish there were some safe friends you could vent to but it sounds like that is not an option. How did you find this information out? Did he tell you or you discovered it? How does this change the length of the affair? The implications? What did WH spouse have to say about this? The 180 sounds like a great plan. I wish I had used that more in the past. Hang in there. Virtual hugs!!!

BluerThanBlue:

Thank you for your message. I agree. I spoke to my lawyer too and she said to better stay off from SM.

"Also, your private pain is not entertainment for people who are bored at the office."

I appreciate this. You are correct.
Whew! Glad I did not do it.

Shatteredvow:

Thank you for your message.
I really appreciate it.
I totally agree with you. Just realized it after I took a step back and had to calm myself down to think clearly before taking any action.

Summertime22:

Thank you for your message.
I couldn't thank you guys enough and the whole SI community/forum for all the support.

Knowing that I am not alone on this really does help me to keep forward and be strong enough to get past through this.

So, thank you! Hugsss!

Stillconfused22:

"How did you find this information out? Did he tell you or you discovered it? How does this change the length of the affair? The implications? What did WH spouse have to say about this?"

- I discovered it myself. I took a chance to look on his emails and voila! It was there.

- He told me they started Dec 2022 but really it was OCT 2022 so it was 2 months earlier.

- Of course, he denied it at first as I was getting angry and confronted him aggressively. Next day, he told me and said he did go with the AP. What makes me mad, he told me that it was just nothing. That they just went to see a movie and nothing was going on at that time!!!
Can you actually believe that? Complete bullshit.

Anyway, if I may ask, how did you handle your situation at that time?

As for me, I was just tired of his lies so now I am doing the hard 180.

Thanks for your message. Sending virtual hugs too..🫂