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Almost 10 months from dday and we are taking our first vacation to one of the prettiest lakes in the US. I am praying, hoping , prepping to have the a great time. Our kids are so excited and I’ve had more good days than bad days the past month. With dday approaching I pray that the the work we’ve done will come into play. We reclaimed few things the past month , one being we saw a movie and had dinner during his A so we re enacted that and went to the same theater and the same restaraunt ON HIS BIKE that he took her on and it was a great day. We reclaimed a few areas and I’m starting to charge my battery for my camera to take the most beautiful pictures of my kids on vacation. I stopped taking photos when he had his A , I actually had my first paying gig then but it hurt too bad to continue. I won’t let their horrible decisions steal my love for photography , it’s been almost a year since I picked up my camera … my kids deserve memories , they deserve a vacation away from this mess , they deserve it more than anyone we are actually taking my mom too as extra help so my H and I can sneak away to rekindle.

Next month I’ll be booking our vacation back to Atlantic City for the following summer , he was having his A then last year too so I’m trying to book the same Airbnb and around the same time , I’m trying to reclaim as much as I can from him and that dirty B.

My H and i both have worked on boundaries and we’ve done so much work on ourselves we both are exhausted. We have reconnected and have been so vulnerable that it hurts sometimes and I still have have some really really dark moments, I hope one day I’ll move past what he did but I’m not there yet. My goal is to continue to heal and eventually learn to forgive, for myslelf. I know that I have you all if I end up spiraling or just need a way to vent. I’ll forever be thankful that I found you all.

[This message edited by Groot1988 at 11:26 PM, Tuesday, August 6th]

Inspired by your post. Have a WONDERFUL TIME. Let yourself relax a bit, reality can wait a few days. I hope it’s possible, you deserve to have a little happiness. Remind yourself that you deserve a break.

You f’in badass. You inspire me.

Oh Groot I hope you have the best time. It will be so good for you to get behind that camera again.

It sounds like you have made some amazing progress 💚

Groot, I hope you all have the best time! I'm so glad things are going well for you!

Next month I’ll be booking our vacation back to Atlantic City for the following summer , he was having his A then last year too so I’m trying to book the same Airbnb and around the same time , I’m trying to reclaim as much as I can from him and that dirty B.

Awesome! I did a lot of reclaiming - largely by necessity in the beginning - we would have had to sell everything we owned just about had I wanted to wash "them" from my life - but later because I was hell bent on not letting them dictate my emotional state or my physical world. So many of the things they tarnished are just that - things. And some of those things I liked. In all honestly in the beginning I couldn't stand to be at home. I didn't want to be in my or his car. Or in the town we lived in. Everything seemed tarnished. But it wasn't until I realized I had been treating my own dogs differently, because I'm sure they licked her and snuggled up to her just like they do anyone who will let them, and I loved my dogs. It was in that moment I realized I had to take control of those irrational emotions as they were only hurting me.

You keep going - take it all back!!!!

Groot - timelines are different but pretty much exactly a year ago I was away with my WW and kids and we weren't quite sure how it was going to work. Things were shit before, they went back to shit after, but on the holiday itself, we agreed to let our minds have a holiday as well. And it was great. We had sex for the first time in 4 months, had a lot of laughs, walking, swimming, fun with the children, etc etc.

I hope you can do the same. Try and switch off from the pain and reconciling and just be you (and him be him). Great that you are taking up your passion again too.

And if it helps, I am writing this while on holiday with the family again and things are really good

Time will help this. Give yourself that time to enjoy the holiday

Enjoy yourselves and have a great trip. I am happy that you are pushing through the triggers and reclaiming things. Infidelity has taken enough from you, time to fight back. At 10 months they can still knock you down. I got to a point about 1.5 to 2 years that I would analyze them to see what my brain was telling me. It really helped to start learning from them and reclaiming them.

Thank you all.

We leave tomorrow and I’m locked in the bathroom taking a bath while he loads up the car and I’m crying.

The last time we went on vacation he was deep in his A and it’s way harder than I thought it would be, you all are right , this can still knock me down. He’s been patient with me and he keeps asking if I’m ok and I really don’t know what I feel, fear of being happy? Fear of letting him think I’m happy? I just can’t seem to let myself just be, if that makes sense.

I am trying to get excited again but I seemed to just be knocked down out of nowhere, I hope this will pass as quick as it came on.

Everyone is happy but me.

[This message edited by Groot1988 at 1:08 AM, Thursday, August 8th]

Sorry, friend.

Don’t try to force yourself to be happy, never works, just makes things worse. Support your kids, but beyond that accept your feelings. This won’t be the last vacation you go on, it doesn’t have to be perfect.

I am trying to get excited again but I seemed to just be knocked down out of nowhere, I hope this will pass as quick as it came on.

It’s a wild roller coaster ride. Give yourself some space and grace. My WW was neck deep in her PA and lied about her whereabouts on the 4th of July, spent it with the AP. 10 months after Dday the next 4th of July and I wanted nothing to do with it. Lay in bed make it through. Some good friends showed up and wanted to cook out and celebrate. I faked my way through it, but honestly had a blast. We made a new tradition of having a big cook out. I won’t say it hasn’t crossed my mind, other than a quick thought. I look forward to celebrating the 4th and I have claimed that back.

I am trying to get excited again but I seemed to just be knocked down out of nowhere, I hope this will pass as quick as it came on.

I can assure you it does get easier no matter what happens going forward - you are in early days still, and while I don't envy those days I do envy how well you are handling things. I certainly wish my recovery had been faster and I was a huge part of holding myself back.

The waves are normal - the sets just get further and further apart as time goes by.

We have so much in common, motorcycles, music, photography, cheating husbands... Amazing really. In a shitty ironic way.
Anywho, take tons of pictures. Enjoy every second with your kids. Let him see what he almost destroyed and bask in the idea you are the prize. The real deal. The keeper. He's lucky to have YOU.

Enjoy your vacation and reclaim that piece of you and that part of your relationship back. It won’t be perfect and that’s ok. If anything, take this time to make memories with your kids 🥰

How was it. I hope you were able to get through the struggles and have a nice time.

I really appreciate everyone wishing me luck and all of the encouraging words.

I made the best memories with my kids and my mom and even some with my H. The weather was a lot cooler than we wanted but he actually found us several things to do and kept positive when everyone else was falling apart and being upset. He found us a small and beautiful beach that we had to ourselves and it was really nice. One of our babies slept in bed with us because the Airbnb wasn’t quite big enough and he would fall asleep between us a lot. My H would sneak over to the other side of me and just hold me and fall back asleep which was nice sometimes but some nights the baby was my shield against him, sometimes being too close to my H gives me anxiety Sigh.

We bonded over his new hobby and got 5 straight hours of alone time including dinner and breakfast and some golf.

Downfalls :

My mom was in charge of the radio a lot and she listened to lovey music and some songs about cheating (she told me to let her know if any songs bothered me ) I didn’t but I probably should have. I took back being the dj though when I couldn’t take anymore.

I had to drive by the city he had his A to and from vacation. On the way there it wasn’t too bad , he left a little before us and went a different route and my mom kept me busy talking. The way home I was following him and he called me and talked to me while driving past it and asked if we should take a detour home due to traffic (he didn’t want to say why since my mom was with me). We drove by it to save time and I literally almost got sick, so reclaiming
That area will be far down the road.

I took a few jabs at him and I know that I shouldn’t have but it is what it is. My special Needs daughter peed through her diaper in the car after going to the lake and he said that it smelled like fish and pee in the car and I said "you should be used to that" since his A took place in the car a lot. He got the hint and he just looked sad for a minute but didn’t say anything.

I had to pull back from him quite a bit and went to bed early one night allowing him time to be with the kids and watch a movie with my mom. Coming home was emotional because it’s almost like what he did just hit me all over again , maybe it’s because I didn’t really bring up the A until the last night there. We don’t fight anymore about it and I have ran out of questions , I am at the stage where there is nothing else to really ask or say. I am content with the knowledge I have of the A now I’m just trying to digest it , which is so hard. He checked on me a lot on vacation and really put me and his family first but I really can’t spend tons of time around him in one setting, sometimes if we are watching a movie I make it 25 or 30 minutes and my brain starts to drift to the A and I have to go lay down or leave the room but he is used to this now and doesn’t get upset.

Side note. I picked a movie to watch with him tonight called the edge and we’ve seen it befofe , I forgot it was centered around an affair.

I actually made it through it without being triggered (maybe because the AP dies)

My H was very uncomfortable and I could tell that he didn’t want to watch it anymore either out of fear of me being triggered or that it makes him sick (he said he can’t watch movies or hear songs about cheating).

First family vacation down with a few casualties but could have been worse.

We are planning our trip next year already for just the two of us if I can make it that far and continue on the road we are on.

[This message edited by Groot1988 at 4:17 AM, Wednesday, August 14th]