SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi everyone
I am new to this forum. Thank you for reading. I just feel very alone. My husband I just found out recently was a sex addict and more and more devastation is being uncovered. I just feel like my heart hurts and just don't even know what to do with all these feelings anymore. We have been married for 28 years.
I discovered n emotional affair with an old friend about 13 years ago. He was apologetic and remorseful and promised never to do it again.he had a physical affair with a coworker about 8 years ago and I just found out he had an emotional affair with his first love for abput 10 years. There has been so much. He had 3 more affairs with coworkers but said it was just emotional .... fast forward. They were so much more than emotional, I found out myself . I also found plane tickets. On our 25th year anniversary, we didn't even do anything. I said we should take a trip but he said we didn't have the money. I just recently found out. He did take a trip. 2 trips in fact to an ocean resort with the COW , actually a seperate COW each trip (that I know of)
I always dreamed of going to the ocean.he new this. He took them instead. I am so beyond hurt. We are seperated. No longer living together. I am finishing up school and plan to go back to work and get a divorce.
We tried to reconcile . I am just so panicky and scared after realizing my whole life was a lie, I can't do it. I definitely have betrayal trauma. There really was so much. He also gets mad at me when I want go talk about my pain. We are currently no longer together but he wants to try to "work it out" again. He has been in therapy for about a year and now says he is going to join a group and maybe a 12 step group. I miss who he used to be before all of this, but he is no longer that man anymore.
I really am just so tired of sex addiction, of being a detetective, of the lies, the manipulations, the gaslighting. I guess I just don't understand it. We used to be so happy, I thought. I was so happy. Our family was so happy. Now I feel like I have been transported into another dimension.
I just want to feel ok again. I don't know how to just feel ok anymore.

He also gets mad at me when I want go talk about my pain.

If he was worthy of attempting to reconcile, he wouldn't be this way. This one is what I call NFG (no fecking good, that's a translation). He has shown you who he is. Believe him.

I walked away from 22 years with a serial cheater addict idiot after spending a year in deep contemplation about what I wanted the rest of my life to look like. After a year of separation I pulled the plug and didn't look back.

I turned 55 the year I discovered all the lies and terrible ways he disrespected the love I had for him. He killed it.

It will take you a few years to crawl from the wreckage, but you can do it. We're here to help. Keep posting and you will get some good advice.

You don't have to decide anything just now, but definitely visit a few lawyers to find out what your options are. Separate those finances if you haven't already, and don't reveal this site to him. Change all your passwords and lawyer up. Get some anti-anxiety meds if you feel the need to calm that death spiral in your brain (we've all been there and I remember it well.)

You can do this.

Big hugs.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 12:46 AM, Friday, January 24th]

Really good advice from FaithFool. Take time to be kind to yourself, too. This is so rough. It took me about 3 years before I thought I'd make it.

I just feel very alone. My husband I just found out recently was a sex addict and more and more devastation is being uncovered. I just feel like my heart hurts and just don't even know what to do with all these feelings anymore.

I know you feel as if the world has ended. I know feeling awful would be a great improvement.

I also know, from experience, that life gets better. Does your school offer counseling services. I know most colleges ahve cut down on service, but yours may off crisis counseling. A good IC can help.

Have some faith in yourself. You're doing good things for yourself, and that will help, but it takes some time. You will feel better. You will enjoy the ocean if you still want to, when you have time and when you've got some distance.

You've lost a cheater. He's lost a partner who is making the best of a bad situation. You ARE a prize; him, not so much.

Life will get better.

And believe FaithFool.

*****

Is he a sex addict or just a run-of-the-mill serial cheater?

Thank you everyone. It feels really good to hear your kind responses. I do feel less alone.